Born From the Ashes
by harrypotterfangirl2010
Summary: Set after OotP.  Well, most of it; prologue is set in 1986 and 1990.  After months of hinting that she was available, Lupin invites Tonks over in his grief, only to discover a highly passionate woman with a dark past. Set over HBP and DH with some canon.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey, guys! Bit of a different flavour to _In the Begining_, hope you all enjoy. And obviously, I don't own anything or else I'd be rolling in money and not writing fanfiction :p_

**Prologue**

She thought about leaving her room, leaving the dormitory, but what would it do? Everyone was at the Quidditch match – Gryffindor vs Slytherin, which always attracted a huge turn-out – which was exactly why he had engineered for her to be caught misbehaving and punished by being refused attendance at the game. Not that she even liked Quidditch, but she did like being around crowds.

She prowled around her room – the single room that she hated. He had engineered it for her, so he could creep into her room unnoticed in the dead of night. Since she was only a third-year, and single rooms were reserved for prefects, head boys and girls and Quidditch captains – none of which were below fifth year – there had been a lot of resentment over it, a lot of talk she had only gotten the room since she was a Black. She supposed he had engineered that, too. Not only did he have her physically separated from her housemates, but socially separated by a wall of resentment.

She checked her watch. The game had been going for a while now – and when it came to those two teams, it meant they had barely warmed up. He would be coming soon.

She heard his footsteps less than half an hour later. "You've been a very naughty girl," he said, eying her critically. There was too much of her father in her for his liking, but then again, that was part of the appeal. She had inherited more of her father's muggle looks than her mother's Black ones. If she had looked more like her mother or aunts, he wouldn't enjoy doing what he did to her nearly so much. "You've been a very naughty girl," he repeated, taking deep satisfaction out of the terror in her eyes. "You need to be punished."

She tended not to fight or protest as much as she had when he had first come to her. It was a pity, he had enjoyed it, although her submission was its own kind of thrill. "Please..." she begged, although the bulge in his pants was already apparent. "It hurt last time."

He ignored her and pushed her onto the bed, twisting her around so she was on her stomach. She didn't fight him; she had too much experience in the consequences of fighting him. Which was kind of a pity; he had rather enjoyed stunning and cursing her into submission.

He tore of her jeans – silly girl, you think she would have learnt to wear a skirt by now, or maybe she _liked_ having her clothing torn off – and yanked off her panties. She whimpered when he pushed his fingers inside her, but made no other protest. The more she protested, the more she resisted, the more he hurt her.

He unzipped his pants and let them fall, along with his underwear, down to the ankles. He stroked himself briefly to a full erection, then grabbed her hips and plunged ruthlessly inside her. She gasped and bit her lip, determined not to scream. _Let it be over soon_, she prayed. _Please, let it be over soon..._

He finished a few minutes later and withdrew quickly. "Go have a wash," he said, the disgust in his voice obvious. "You look like a tramp." She heard him zipping up his pants and then leaving. She didn't get up until several minutes after the door shut behind him. Then she wrapped herself in her house robe and curled up on her bed for a few minutes. She needed a shower. But right now, she couldn't bring herself to move.

For two years, it had been going on. Two years, since just after she had started at Hogwarts. What every witch and wizard in England said was the best years of their life were her worst. Not a month went by without him engineering time alone with her – sometimes just to feel her up, others to force himself on her. And she couldn't tell anyone because he was so powerful within the wizarding community and no-one would believe her, the daughter of a muggle-born wizard – even if she _was_ a Black.

She started to cry. She would never give him the satisfaction of crying while he was taking what he wanted from her – at least, not these days – but once he had gone, it brought her some small measure of relief. _Please, Merlin, let it be over, _she pleaded with some vague deity. _Let him lose interest in me and let it be over_.

* * *

She was crying again, Charlie Weasley thought in frustration and disappointment. Crying and trying to hide it from him. How she thought that was possible when he was less than a meter away from her, he didn't know, but she always cried after sex. And not because she was happy. He had figured it was natural after the first time – he didn't know anything about these things, but he'd heard that it could be painful and awkward for girls – but she cried Every. Single. Time. And she never wanted to be touched afterwards. In fact, she barely wanted to be touched _during_ it. And he'd been assured by his older brother Bill that girls loved being touched. So it was an ongoing source of frustration to him that he loved touching and affection and she tolerated only the bare minimum that it took to keep him happy.

He wrapped his arms around her. She didn't pull away from him, but she lay stiffly in his arms. "Nymphodora," he said pleadingly, "tell me what you like, i want you to enjoy it."

The name had slipped, though he knew how much she detested it. The problem was, he disliked calling his girlfriend by her last name, even though the entire student body – and some of the teachers – did. It seemed so impersonal. "Don't call me that," she snapped.

"Sorry."

She wriggled free of his embrace. "I should get back to my dorm," she said. "Sprout doesn't like us being out after curfew."

Charlie knew this to be a lie – or at least a bending of the truth. While it was technically against school rules to have students out of bed after curfew for anything but the most important of reasons, the staff, and in particular the House Heads, tended to turn a blind eye to established, overaged couples like Charlie and Tonks. So long as they didn't flaunt their relationship in front of younger students, neither Sprout or McGonagall would care much if she spent the night with him. The reality was that Tonks herself didn't want to spend the night with him, and that hurt more than he cared to admit.

He walked her to the door of the Gryffindor quarters, and kissed her goodnight, with a few comments made from the Fat Lady who guarded it. "I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked her hopefully, and she nodded, knowing how much he liked being with her.

She liked being with him, too. She had known him and his family all her life, and he had been her best friend for a long time before they became an item. She had tried hard to return his affections, but everytime he touched her sexually or romantically, she felt indifferent at best, and often repulsed.

It wasn't Charlie's fault, of course. It was _his_. Dumbledore had found out about it one day after her House Head, Professor Sprout, and several of her teachers had expressed their concern about her withdrawn, anti-social personality. A talented Legilimens, he had read her traumatised mind easily and promised her that the perpetrator, while powerful, would never be in a position to hurt a Hogwarts student again. Her parents had been told, and they had vowed he would never go anywhere near her again. But it had come after two years of brutal violation and she couldn't take any pleasure out of being touched. She wanted to, _so much_ – she saw other girls with their boyfriends who enjoyed kissing and hugging and being felt up – but Charlie's touch always left her cold. There wasn't anything else in the world that she wanted more than to feel like any other girl, but more and more she wondered if there was someone out there who was sensitive enough, who she would be attracted to enough that she could enjoy a real relationship with him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

She had been sending him hints and signals that she was available for months – almost from the first day they had met. He had no idea what she saw in him. Sure, there were plenty of witches out there who had their fetishes and got off on getting it on with 'dark creatures'. But she didn't seem like that. Which meant her interest in him had to be genuine – or at least, she _thought_ it to be genuine. She was twenty-three-years-old and, from what he had heard, had been far wiser and more sophisticated than her age would suggest since she had been in double-digits. And as the youngest member of the Order (official, at least – the twins rather fancied themselves as members, even if their mum shot them down at every turn) she was constantly spending time with people much older than her. In fact, not counting the occasional appearance of Bill or Charlie Weasley, he was the second-youngest after her. (God knew, Sirius had spent enough time in high school gloating about he was several months older than him, and Snape – well, Snape had been _born_ old as far as he was concerned.)

So he chalked up her interest to the fact she was used to being around older people, preferred it in fact, and he was the second youngest person in the Order after her, despite being thirteen years older. She had done his best to keep her at arm's length, tried to put her off by telling her about his transformations, which only served to garner her sympathy. She didn't care that he would never be financially secure, thanks to the lack of employment opportunities for werewolves, hinting obviously that she made good money as an Auror, and that her mother had inherited a fair bit from her parents, which, as her only child, would be passed on to her. So he had done his best not to be alone with her, which hadn't been easy, because Sirius seemed really keen for them to get together (he suspected that part of it was Sirius was keen to stick it to his cousin Narcissa, a full-blooded snob if ever there was one) and between the two Blacks, there were plenty of opportunities for her to be alone with him.

So far, he had held her at arm's length. But now – tonight – he knew he didn't want to. Sirius had been his best, his oldest friend, his link to happier times where, despite his debilitating disability as a werewolf, he had three good friends who had made the years at Hogwarts the best of his life.

And then James had been murdered, and he'd thought, like everyone else, that Sirius was behind both his and Peter's deaths. For twelve years – and then to find out that it had actually been _Peter_ who had betrayed them, and for two years he and Sirius had enjoyed some semblance of their former camaraderie, particularly in the last year when they had been in the Order together.

And then Harry trying to outsmart Voldermort, only to have Voldermort be outsmarting him all along, and Sirius being killed by his own cousin Bellatrix... Remus Lupin clenched his fists together, feeling his nails drive into his skin. He felt this minor human wound even less than usual; he'd had an extremely high threshold of pain ever since he'd been bitten over twenty years ago, and now, in his grief, it felt like nothing could penetrate it.

Nothing physical at least. He stared at her, and in her own grief, she had never looked so beautiful. She had always been so strong, so outgoing, so confident. It was part of why he hadn't seen them together – her, young, confident, outgoing; him, quiet, introverted a little nebbish.

But it wasn't every day that two people with serious chemistry, if complete opposites, lost someone they both cared about deeply. He knew he shouldn't, knew he should redouble his efforts to send her away, maybe into the arms of Charlie Weasley, who was her own age, whole, and, he'd heard, had something of a history. That was what he _should_ do. But what he _wanted_ to do was take her in his arms and take her to bed and screw her brains out and feel her legs and arms wrapped around his body until he felt something akin to alive...

She smiled at him bravely through her tears, trying to remind herself what while she had been blood family, they had been family of a different type – a brotherhood that had gone back almost twenty years. She was about to tell him outright that she would leave him alone if that's what he wanted – tonight was not the night to push him to take her out – when to her surprise, he asked, "Do you want to come over tonight?"

Her heart caught in her throat. She knew exactly what he was asking her from the way he stared intently at her. He desired her – well, that was nothing new, she had known practically from day one that they had serious chemistry, even if he denied it – and his eyes told her _I want you in my bed_. She shivered slightly. She had thought about going to bed with him, of course, although in her fantasies he wined and dined her first and went for a long walk holding hands and getting to know each other away from the prying eyes of the other Order members. But tonight – tonight they needed each other. Tonight she wanted to go to bed with him.

She nodded, and he gave her the address to his apartment. "It's not much," he admitted, "but I'd rather we be alone."

She nodded. The need for privacy aside, there was a practical issue of inheritance. Harry had been Sirius's godson and next-of-kin, but for all anyone knew, Sirius's father may have placed strong charms and spells on the house to force it to be passed on to the nearest full-blooded Black, which would be Sirius's cousin Bellatrix or, if Bellatrix's conviction as a Death Eater was powerful enough to void her place on the Black chain of inheritance – as might the fact she had been responsible for Sirius's death and therefor couldn't benefit from it – then it would go down to the next sister. And it got even more complicated from there, because Bellatrix's middle sister, Andromeda, had been burned off the family tree for marrying a muggle-born wizard, but whether or not that was powerful enough to voice _her_ inheritance was unknown. After that, it went to the youngest Black sister, Narcissa. So they had four potential claimants to the Grimmauld Place house and no-one in the Order cared to stick around until it was worked out once and for all exactly whose it was.

"Come by around seven, OK?" he asked. "My Floo's mostly disconnected so if I don't hear from you by, say, ten, I'll disconnect it again."

She looked at him quizzically. "Why – " she started to ask.

"Because I got a lot of hate after people found out about me. I quite _like_ not being woken in the middle of the night by some parent who's had too much firewhisky and feels like picking a fight and decides I'm a handy target."

"They do not!" she said, amazed that anyone would be so mean and petty.

He shrugged. He'd had twenty years to get used to people's attitude; hers was actually in the minority. In fact, he couldn't remember ever meeting a woman who had known what he was and still wanted to sleep with him, _without_ having some kind of fetish. "You get used to a lot of things in twenty years," he said dryly. "Though maybe it's made you stop and think about who you're getting involved with?"

She smiled impishly at him. It was so ironic, really. So many people thought of him as an animal, but there were few men she had felt so safe around. Her dad – well, that was a given. Sirius – he had been like an older brother to her; in fact, often she had wondered if things would have been different had he been around when she was eleven. Kingsley and Moody – they were her boss and mentor, and men who were too noble to think of getting involved with someone that they had authority and influence over. In fact, Lupin was cut from the same mould as them, except he _wasn't_ her boss or mentor. He was just a kind, decent man who made her feel safe and made her feel what it would be like to kiss him with that moustache – "After this year, it will take more than a few hate-messages to put me off," she said pointedly. It had certainly been an experience, being part of the Order of the Phoenix. Things she had known in theory, she had seen in practice, and now a little thing like lack of popularity was not something she cared two hoots about. "I'll be over right on seven."

* * *

"Do you need any help with that?"

"I've seen your idea of help in the kitchen," Lupin said with a smile. "I don't have a lot, so I would prefer that what I _do_ have didn't get broken or blown up." He looked over her. Merlin, but she looked fetching in black skintight dragonskin pants and a fitted white t-shirt. "I notice that however eclectic your wardrobe might get, you've never showed that much figure in front of Moody."

He had a way of saying that that flattered her, made her feel physically attractive, without feeling threatened. "Do you like it?" she asked flirtatiously.

"I'm not sure that I should," he said dryly, his eyes nonetheless taking in the way her outfit hugged her young body.

"You can be such a prude sometimes," she teased. "Men older than you have noticed me when I was much younger." She held her breath. She hadn't meant to say it, but she felt so comfortable around him that it had just sort of slipped out.

Lupin made a face. "Ugh, love, I think I need to scrub my brain now. You're young enough as it is."

"What did you call me?" she asked.

"Young enough as it is."

"No, before that."

"Oh, you mean _love_?" he asked. She nodded. "Slip of the tongue. To be honest, I'm not sure _what_ I'm supposed to call you."

"Call me Tonks, like you've always done."

Even for her age, she was surprisingly inexperienced when it came to men. No self-respecting man would address the woman he was involved with by her surname. "I'm not calling you Tonks, love. What did Charlie call you?"

"Charlie?"

"Charlie Weasley. Weren't you guys involved at Hogwarts?"

There was a look in her eyes, a reluctance to talk about it, that registered in his mind. For most witches and wizards, Hogwarts were among the best days of their lives, and Charlie Weasley seemed like a nice enough young man and they had been a popular couple. He wondered what was in her past at Hogwarts that made her reluctant to talk about it. "He called me Tonks, like everyone else," she said defiantly, remembering how much he had disliked calling her Tonks, feeling it was impersonal to call his girlfriend by her last name – no matter how much she preferred it.

Lupin let it slide; there didn't seem a lot to be gained out of making a fuss over what to call his – what? friend, girlfriend, lover? – when they hadn't even established what they were to one another. "Dinner's ready," he said. She reached for the plate closest to her, and Lupin sheepishly pulled it away. "You don't want that, unless you like your steak _really_ rare," he said. "I took you more for a medium-well-done girl."

"Well-done," she corrected him.

"Sorry. I'll cook it more."

She smiled at his hospitality. "It's fine, Remus. It really is. I'm used to the way Molly does things so it's no big deal. I'm more put off by the idea that you call _that_ cooked," she said when she saw just how rare Lupin had cooked his steak, the thinnest veneer of scorched meat covering pink, raw flesh.

"If you weren't here, I wouldn't have bothered to cook it at all," he said absently.

She looked a little pale, but recovered swiftly. "Don't do anything on my account," she said.

"You're sweet, love, but my habits take some getting used to. My _life_ takes some getting used to. I don't want to overload you." Although maybe that wasn't a bad idea.

She smiled. She liked the way he called her 'love', even if it was just because he didn't like Tonks and she didn't like Nymphodora. She reached over the table and grabbed his hand. "I like you," she said. "I mean, I _really_ like you, Remus. And I _want_ to get used to your life. You're one of the most amazing men I've ever met."

He couldn't help but smile at that. He liked the way she called him a man without the underlying tone of condescension, like he was quite a man... for a werewolf. He squeezed her hand. "Careful," he said huskily. "I could become quite attached to you."

Dinner passed in a blur of good food, good company and good conversation. "What passes for my living room is just through there if you want to sit down and I'll bring out coffee," he said after everything had been washed and put away thanks to magic. He joined her in the tiny room a few minutes later. "I guess it's not what you're used to," he said ruefully.

"I don't mind." She put her head on his shoulder. He was thinner than Charlie, more wiry, and yet she could feel the strength in his body, which for some reason didn't frighten or intimidate her in the slightest. Lupin draped his closest arm across her shoulders, twirling her fingers through her hair. It had been a while since he had been in such close proximity to a woman, and the fact she was so beautiful and vibrant wasn't exactly helping his cause.

He handed her a cup. "You should drink it before it goes cold," he suggested. "I've never mastered Molly's knack of reheating coffee so it tastes just as nice. And I found some chocolate." Actually, he'd had to buy it specifically on account that he hadn't lived here in almost a year, but his gentlemanly side forbade him from being a bad host – especially keeping in mind the plans for the night he had in the back of his mind.

She smiled. "You don't have to try so hard, Remus."

"Pardon?"

"At seducing me. You don't have to try so hard. I'm a done deal. You can take me to bed whenever you like."

He made a face. She had never sounded so much like a twenty-three-year-old as she did now. "Don't be so vulgar," he snapped. "I hate vulgarity and I _hate_ this attitude that you young people have that sex is just jumping into bed with whoever you fancy at the time." He raked his fingers through his hair and suddenly felt much more than thirteen years older than her. "This was a bad idea, you should go," he said.

"No. And you dare you assume that I just – jump into bed – with whoever I fancy at the time. Have you been with more than one woman?"

Lupin squirmed, knowing where this was going. "Maybe," he admitted, meaning _yes_.

"Then that makes you more vulgar than me," she said triumphantly. "Unless you're one of those men who think there's a double standard for men and women. Look," she said, neutralising her tone to be less argumentative. "I – _fancy_ you," she said. "And it's not some flighty thing, like you seem to think. I can't believe you've been working side-by-side with me for a year and you think so little of me."

"Tonks – love – I _don't_ think so little of you. I just want you to be aware of what you're getting yourself into. And I _want_ to seduce you. Call me old fashioned like that if you want, but I don't want to just take you to bed like you don't mean anything to me. Because you do. Sorry, have I said something wrong?" he asked when he saw the tears well in her eyes.

She shook her head. "No. I just like that I mean something to you. Remus – can you – can you kiss me now?" she asked tentatively.

He ran his fingertips down the side of her face, marvelling at how young and vulnerable she looked, and at the same time wise and mature; he would never have developed feelings for her had she not that that wise, mature side to her. Then he bent his head and kissed her, his lips brushing softly against hers. She opened her mouth to his and he slipped his tongue inside her mouth, searching out her own She met it eagerly, shivering with pleasure. She'd never thought a kiss could feel so nice...

She felt her legs buckle, and Lupin, with an animal's sense of movement, wrapped his arm around her waist to support her before she fell – and knowing Tonks, she would fall rather spectacularly on her ass. "There are some benefits to being involved with a half-breed," he murmured huskily.

They kissed in the living room for a few minutes before she pulled away and buried her head in his neck, wrapping her arms around it at the same time. "I've thought about how kissing you would taste," she admitted. "I've never kissed anyone with a moustache before."

"Yeah? How does it feel?"

"Very manly."

He laughed and rubbed his slightly-stubbled chin against her cheek, and she purred contentedly at it. He slid his arm under her knees and pulled her into his arms, standing her with surprising grace and agility. Another benefit of being involved with a half-breed, she though; for all that he appeared thin and weedy, he had the strength and agility of a powerful animal.

He carried her into the bedroom – it was tiny, but she didn't care – and laid her on the bed, straddling her. She slid her hands inside his shirt, running them along his bare skin. "You're warm," she marvelled.

"My body temperature's higher than human," he explained. She smiled at that as he began nuzzling her neck, getting a thrill out of the way his stubble scraped against her skin erotically. The warmth of his body enthralled her.

She grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked it back up to her face so she could kiss him, and she did so hungrily, digging her nails into his scalp, surprising herself by how much she wanted him. "I had no idea you were so passionate," he said. She'd always struck him as a little aloof, despite her outgoing personality, she didn't seem all that comfortable around people. He had picked up from Molly that she felt Tonks hadn't been a particularly warm girlfriend.

"Just don't stop kissing me," she said breathlessly. She didn't know what it was about him exactly; she only knew that she was strongly attracted to him and he made her feel safe and sexy at the same time.

His hands were on her shirt now, his fingers awkwardly trying to thread the buttons through the holes. He'd be faster with magic, he knew, but there was something so impersonal about using magic for such an act of intimacy... and he couldn't remember feeling such a strong longing for intimacy that he felt for Tonks. She arched her back when he finally managed to undo the last button and pushed the material aside so it hung limply by her sides, her bra the only thing covering her upper body. He kissed his way down her throat and chest, licking and stroking her bare skin until she was squirming underneath him, her own hands wandering frantically in a deep desire to touch him. She couldn't get her hands between their bodies to unbutton his shirt, so she yanked it up to feel the bare skin of his torso against hers. "Remus," she cried his name.

He grunted, still not sure what he was supposed to call her. He couldn't use 'love' all the time, and 'Tonks' felt more unnatural the more intimate he got with her. But it seemed to suffice, and soon they were thrashing around in bed, their legs entwined, remaining clothes discarded on the floor. He slid his hand between her thighs, his fingers inside her most private parts. "Remus!" she cried when she felt him penetrate her. She willed him to push his fingers deeper inside her, thrilled by how good this felt. She released a sob of pleasure as he began stroking her. She had never imagined sex could feel so good...

She bucked and thrashed against him as he brought her to orgasm, needing his significant strength to keep her still enough to do his job. "You ready?" he asked casually when she lay on the bed, panting blissfully. She nodded, her eyes wide with wonderment. He stroked the inside of her thigh casually. It was clear that that had been her first orgasm. He wondered if Charlie Weasley had been her only other lover. It made sense. While Charlie was a nice enough guy, few seventeen-year-old boys knew how to satisfy a woman – or girl – sexually.

He climbed on top of her and pushed himself inside her. For a second she closed her eyes, remembering, and she wasn't sure that she could do this. Then she could feel the inhuman heat radiating from his body, smell that unique scent of his, feel the thin-but-strong frame as she looped her arms under his and around his back, feel the pleasant roughness of his stubble against her skin, the moustache sweeping over her, the sound of his voice as he moaned softly as he moved inside her, his manhood throbbing with lust.

He brought her to orgasm again and climaxed himself soon after. He rolled onto his back and pulled her into his arms, drawing her head against his chest. "You're heart's going crazy," she murmured, delighted that she would have that affected on him.

He chuckled. "Don't sound so flattered. It's going faster than usual – for me, I mean – but it goes faster than usual for humans in the first place."

"I here was me thinking that you really liked me," she teased.

He kissed the top of her head affectionately. "I think it's been established that I _do_ really like you, Nymphodora," he said.

She raised herself on one elbow and scowled at him. "Don't call me Nymphodora," she snapped.

He met her gaze levelly. "I'm not calling you Tonks."

"Why not? You have all year."

"I haven't been your lover all year," he replied patiently. "And don't look at me like that. You look like a spoilt child who's been told no... _Nymphodora_," he added, willing to give her a lot of leeway in anything but this.

He had expected her to scowl, expected her to sulk, thought that she might leave. What he hadn't expected was for her to use her metamophmagus powers to extend her nails to sharp talons and rake them down the side of his face. "Don't – fucking – _call me Nymphodora_!" she screamed at him, and he had a random thought that he had seen banshees behave less ferociously.

She was screaming at him and striking him with all the strength she had – and it was a strength magnified by a fury that crossed into hysteria. He pushed her off him, and the strength of his push landed her on her backside on the floor. "Get dressed and get out," he said coldly. "I won't tolerate being abused in my own home."

She raised her head to him, eyes full of tears, and it was all he could he could do not to rush to her side and take her in his arms. She didn't have the right to attack him over a freaking name, but he had known her long enough to know that she didn't react like that, even to a name she hated being addressed by. "Remus, I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I didn't mean to react like that. Please don't throw me out."

Now, how could he turn her out now? Sighing, not sure if he was doing the right thing, letting his heart override his common sense, which was telling him that she had some serious issues if she would attack him over the use of her Christian name, he went over to where she had landed, picked her up and sat her on his lap on the bed. "You're lucky I like you so much," he said quietly. She nodded and buried her head in his neck. He felt her hot tears slide down his shoulder. "You attack me again, I don't care why, and I _will_ throw you out," he promised with quiet conviction. "I've been insulted, assaulted and spat at for twenty years. I won't take it from my lover in my own apartment."

"I know. I'm sorry."

He kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair in a chaste, almost paternalistic way. "I don't understand why it makes you so angry," he said. "I get that it's not the easiest of names to have, but it's just a name. I don't get why it upsets you so much that you'd attack me."

"It just does," she said, and it was clear that she wasn't going to offer any more detail.

He let it go, knowing he had to choose his battles. "What do your parents call you?" he asked.

"Pardon?"

"Your folks. I assume they don't call you Tonks. Cute pet names aside, I'll just call you whatever they call you."

"Dora," she said reluctantly, because she didn't like Dora much either. But if he wouldn't call her Tonks, then it was an improvement on Nymphodora.

"Dora it is then." He kissed her head again. "You hurt at all?" She shook her head. "You want to stay the night?" She nodded. He eased them into a lying-down position. "How do you prefer to sleep?" he asked solicitously.

"Why?"

"Because I want to sleep with you in my arms and I want you to be comfortable. So how do you prefer to sleep?"

"I – I don't know. I tend not to notice those things when I'm asleep," she added crossly when he gave her a quizzical look.

"Charlie never said anything?" he asked casually, and she went deep red at the mention of her ex-boyfriend. "Love, you don't need to be embarrassed. I can tell you categorically that you weren't the only seventh-year sleeping with your boyfriend."

"I never spent the night with him," she admitted. "I – didn't – like it much and I never wanted to spend the whole night with him – so I'd tell him Sprout didn't approve."

Lupin whistled softly. "That must've really hurt his feelings," he said. "I always figured Sprout was the most open-minded of all the Heads and even McGonagall turned a blind eye to seventh-years sleeping together."

"I didn't mean to hurt his feelings," she said in a plaintive voice. "I just didn't like it much."

"Could have fooled me," he teased. "You know," he mused, "I think the Heads have the right idea, turning a blind eye to seventh-years, because all that will achieve is force them to sneak around like sex is something dirty and secretive. But generally I think seventeen is too young. I'm not surprised you didn't like it much, I doubt either of you knew what you were doing."

"Oh, and _you_ reckon you know what you're doing?" she asked.

"Two orgasms says I do," he reminded her, a trifle smugly. "I'm a very quick study. Especially since I needed _something_ to offer women since I'm not exactly prime husband material."

She snuggled into his arms. "Remus, I don't like it when you put yourself down like that," she said. "You've got plenty to offer. You know what I first liked about you? The way everyone – Harry. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, the twins – were so delighted to see you again. I've never seen that kind of loyalty for a Defence professor. Hogwarts went through seven in my time and I didn't like a single one of them. They all like and respect you, Remus. You don't get that by having nothing to offer but being good in bed."

He had noticed that Harry and co had been pleased to see him, but he had deliberately not put too much stock in it. So it pleased him that Tonks seemed to think he had inspired a certain degree of respect and likability in his students. "That may be, but I was forced to resign before I was fired, remember," he reminded her. "I suppose that's what I got for not favouring Lucius Malfoy's son."

She became suddenly stiff in his arms. "Fuck Uncle Lucius," she spat.

He tensed slightly, because it was the same tone she had used when she had attacked him. He relaxed when it became apparent she wasn't going to again. "I forgot that he's your uncle," he said. "God, I think I'd kill myself if I had Malfoy for an uncle – and Bellatrix for an aunt," he said, remembering that while Lucius Malfoy was her uncle by marriage, Bellatrix LeStrange was her aunt by blood.

"Can we please not talk about this?" Tonks asked testily.

It was a sore subject, Lupin realised, and he didn't blame her. "Of course." He turned onto his side and drew her into his arms so he was spooning her. "I always sleep on my stomach or my side," he explained. It was a knock-on effect of being a werewolf; you rarely found a four-legged animal that slept on its back. "Just wake me up if it's not comfortable for you." Tonks smiled at him, thinking it was unlikely that she would find any position that involved being in his arms uncomfortable.

* * *

Lupin woke up in the early hours of the morning. A sliver of light from the quarter-moon filtered through the window; it was both the thing he feared most and the most familiar thing in his life, a kind of friend. It barely illuminated Tonks's sleeping figure, but enough for him to make out her naked form. Lying on her side facing away from him, her bare back and bottom were on display thanks to his habit of kicking off the sheets in the middle of the night. He stared at her for a few minutes, drinking in her nudity, feeling himself grow hard just thinking about their passionate tryst a few hours ago. He could have gone again, but her outburst at the time had rattled him so he hadn't thought about it. Until now.

Sliding his hand over her bare back, he pushed her easily onto her stomach and slid his fingers between her legs. She was still damp from exertions of a few hours before, so he knew he'd have no trouble sliding inside her. Her bare bottom was facing up, and the animal in him stirred; there was nothing quite as satisfying as mounting a woman from behind. He grabbed her thighs and spread her legs apart, kneeling between them. He lifted up her hips and positioned his erection at the opening of her womanhood, pausing for a second to marvel at her youthful sensuality, before plunging the length of his thick, throbbing erection deep inside her...

_... He was inside her, thrusting in and out of her with abandon, grunting with lust as his erect penis slid in and out of her, his balls banging against her backside. She kicked out against him, but her efforts were useless against his superior strength. "No," she moaned pitifully..._

Lupin grabbed a fistful of hair in his hand, pulling on it sharply and then rocking forward, forcing her head down into the pillow and muffling her protests. "Dora," he groaned. "Ah, love..." And then he released a drawn-out moan of animal lust as he started pounding her in earnest, so caught up in his lust that he could think of nothing but coming inside her...

_... The harder he pounded her, the more terrified she became and the harder she struggled against him. But his animal strength was nothing she could compete with, and the harder he screwed her, the harder her pushed her down into the mattress, her face into the pillow. "Dora!" he screamed, and with one final, animal thrust, he buried his erection deep inside her and spilled himself inside her..._

His lust spent, he flipped onto his back. She attacked him with a fury, recalling every instance where she had been too weak, too vulnerable to do anything but take her uncle's unwanted attention, and she attacked Lupin with a fury that made her previous assault look like gentle affection. "You bastard!" she screamed at him. "You sick, twisted _bastard!_ I _told_ you to stop! I fucking _told_ you _no_!"

He was genuinely flabbergasted by her attack. "Dora – "

"I told you to stop!" she screamed at him, alternatively pounding at his back with her fists when he tried to hold her and slashing at whatever flesh she could reach with her nails. "_I told you to stop_! I – told – you – to stop! I – told – him – to – stop!"

And Lupin began to understand what had happened, and he was horrified at what he had inadvertently done, at the reaction he had triggered. He let her keep attacking him – God knew, she needed the release, and he healed quickly so he could take the injuries – until she had spent her rage. "I told him – I told him – " she ended up sobbing weakly in his arms. He grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around her, creating a barrier between their nudity and held her tightly while she sobbed in his arms.

Half an hour passed, the silence punctuated only by her cries. Then she said in a small voice, "Sorry for attacking you. I'll leave straight away."

He loosened his grip, wanting to hold her but not wanting to restrain her. "You can leave if you want to," he said. "I won't make you stay. But I want you to."

She looked tearfully at him, taking in the scratches across his face and shoulders. "But you said – "

"I know what I said, love. But I want you to stay. I'll understand if you don't want to, though."

She sniffled. "I want to stay," she said.

He kissed the top of her head, then wondered if that was in appropriate. "Go take a shower," he said kindly. "You'll feel better when you're clean." Merlin knew, he thought, she couldn't possibly feel any worse or any dirtier.

She nodded and, with the sheet wrapped tightly around her, she made her way to the small bathroom, summoning her overnight bag. Lupin waited until he heard the water running, and set about stripping the bed and remaking it, using a powerful cleaning spell to give the sheets a sterile, starchy feel that would do the orderlies at St. Mungo's proud.

She emerged from the shower half an hour later. "I'll only be a few minutes," he promised her, ducking into the bathroom himself. Under the sanctuary of the hot water, he braced himself against the wall, shaking as he thought about what had happened, putting the pieces together. She had been raped, mostly likely as her first time. By who and how many times, he didn't know, but he doubted it had been the once. It had traumatised her enough that she had never liked sex with Charlie, though something about him had gotten her over that – their animal attraction, or maybe just the fact that she desperately needed a connection with someone following Sirius's death, enough that it overrode her innate fear of sex.

And he had undone that all and then some by forcing himself onto her and thinking she was a willing participant.

He felt his stomach clench and he willed himself not to throw up. He needed to be strong for her.

He finished up in the shower, dressed, and padded back to the bedroom. She was sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed, attempting to dry her hair with her wand, but her hand was shaking badly. "Easy, love," he said, gently taking her want out of her hand. "You're likely to blow something up that way." He placed her wand on the dresser and, picking up his own, procured a comb.

"That will take forever," she protested.

"I don't mind. And I reckon the muggles actually have something on us – touch can be very therapeutic. Let me know if you don't like it, even if you think it's for the silliest reason," he said, realising that he couldn't comb her hair out without being behind her, and maybe that wasn't the best thing for her right now. He began running the comb through her hair, running the teeth over her scalp. Her murmurings were clearly ones of pleasure as he combed her hair out patiently and continued combing after he had finished because it was clear she enjoyed it.

Suddenly she twisted around and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't mean to put you through that."

"I never want to hear you apologise again for something he did to you," Lupin said thickly. "Take it out on me all you like but never, ever apologise for something someone else did to you. Do you understand me?" She nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"I can't."

"I'm not going to push you," he said. "But you need to talk to me at some point. I – I want a relationship with you, Dora," he admitted, "but we can't do anything until you tell me everything."

"I can't," she repeated, starting to sound hysterical. "He's too powerful. He'd discredit you in a second."

"In case you hadn't noticed, love, I don't have a lot of respectability as it is. He can't take cred that I don't have. And you're still a Black, no matter who your dad is," he added. "Don't underestimate how much credibility _that_ has."

His words of assurance only served to make her sob harder. "I can't!" she nearly screamed. "Everyone knows she's the only Black that counts."

"She – love, I don't understand. She – you mean Narcissa?" With Regulus and Sirius dead, Bellatrix in Azkaban and Andromeda having married a muggle-born wizard, Narcissa, the youngest of the three Black sisters, who considered by many to be the only Black that 'counted'. "I don't – oh, God, you mean _Lucius?_" He felt his stomach clench again and battled to control the urge to throw up. "Merlin's _beard_, Dora, he's your _uncle_."

"That did occour to me a few times."

"When?" he asked quietly, resolutely. "How long?"

She hadn't intended on telling him, but he held her so understanding that the truth came pouring out. How Andromeda and Narcissa had reluctantly stood together because, although the thought little of each other's taste in husbands, they were still Blacks and the Blacks had a deep sense of family – if not out of any sense of love or loyalty, then out of a firm belief that family was in it together. How Tonks would stay with her aunt and uncle when her parents went travelling, and how her uncle had made his way to her room one night when she was eleven and told her that no-one would believe her if she said anything; after all, she would be a half-blood speaking out against a member of one of the oldest and most celebrate pureblood families. How he had arranged for her to have her own room at Hogwarts, which had alienated her from her fellow students and made her feel she had no-one to confide in. How he had raped her countless times over two years until Professor Sprout had a word to Dumbledore about how uncommunicated and anti-social she was, and Dumbledore had taken one penetrating look into her soul and found out what was going on. Not even Dumbledore could level such an accusation against as influential a man as Lucius Malfoy, although he had been able to secure Malfoy's absence from the grounds of Hogwarts with the exception of his direct summons – a ban Malfoy had adhered to even during his brief victory over Dumbledore three years ago.

"I tried so hard with Charlie," she sobbed into Lupin's neck. "I wanted – to feel – like a normal girl and he was _so sweet_ and he tried so hard to be good for me, but – " she shuddered, remembering. "Everytime he touched me..."

He kissed her head again; something told him it was going to be the most intimate he would be with her for a while. "I understand," he said quietly.

"No, you _don't_!" she gave a muffled yell, because her face was still buried in his neck. "You have _no idea_ what it's like to be a kid and have someone think they have a – a _right_ to your body and _enjoy_ the fact that they're hurting you and not have a normal life... I was so young..."

"I don't know what it's like to be raped, no," he said quietly. "But I was younger than you when I was bitten so I do have some idea what you're feeling." Tentatively, he swung his legs up onto the bed and pulled up his right pant leg. Gently, he took her hand in his and slowly pulled it towards the back of his calf, ever aware that she was incredibly vulnerable right now and might not want to touch him right now. "That's where he bit me. It's the deepest scar and the only one that still bothers me," he said.

"Sorry," she sniffled. "I wasn't thinking."

"It's fine. If it means I can understand a little of where you're coming from, then right now, I'm almost glad that it happened." He brought his arm back around her and held her for a while, feeling her breathing grow steadier and her body less shaky in his arms. "Dora?" he asked tentatively, and it occurred to him that if Nymphodora was what Lucius had called her, then it was no wonder she hated the name. "I don't know what you want to do tonight."

"I want to stay with you," she said, tightening her grip around his neck as if to challenge him to make her leave.

"I got that bit. What I meant was – do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

"I can't do that to you, Remus."

"And I can't put you through that because you feel it would be rude to take my bed," he countered. She was silent for what felt like a long period of time before he realised what the problem was. "Are you afraid I'm going to do it again?" he asked quietly. She didn't say anything, didn't move in the slightest to confirm or deny, but he didn't need her to. "Love, I'm disgusted with myself right now. Believe me, I have no inclination to touch you – like that – let alone against your will. So I'll stay with you if you won't, you don't have to be afraid of that." She nodded her assent and, like he had done a few hours before, he eased them into a lying-down position. She curled into him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

She fell asleep in his arms, but it came a lot longer and harder for him. So Lucius Malfoy had raped her countless times when she had just been a girl. _His own niece_. No wonder she hadn't liked being touched, no wonder she hadn't liked being called Nymphodora. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tightly, as if by doing so, he could protect her from anyone who would want to hurt her – past, present and future. She groaned sharply in her sleep and he loosened his grip. Sorry, love," he whispered. He lay awake as she slept in his arms, her breathing deep and regular and he hoped that she was sleeping easy.


	3. Chapter 3

Tonks padded into the kitchen where she'd shared dinner with Lupin the night before, following the smell of frying bacon. "Morning," he said. "I thought you might be hungry."

"I'm not sure I want to trust you, you don't exactly have a taste for people food," she teased.

"You make me sound like a pet dog," he retorted good-naturedly. "And Molly taught me a lot. I'm never going to be the cook she is, but I'm not as bad as you think. Dinner was OK, wasn't it?" he asked, a touch of worry in his voice.

She laughed despite herself and the distress of the last night. "You're still trying too hard, Remus," she told him. "It smells lovely." She slid into a chair and placed her hands primly on the table. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to him. She remembered feeling protected as she slept for the second time last night, and woke feeling a mix of emptiness that had been following her around since she'd been eleven as well as a sense of safety that she _hadn't_ felt since she had been eleven.

Remus was the only person she had told herself what had happened. It had been one thing to sob the truth into his arms; how did you face someone the next morning?

He placed a plate of bacon, eggs, sausages and toast on the table in front of her. Then he placed his hands gently on her shoulders. She was wearing an off-the=-shoulder red peasant top, and he slowly, gently slid his hands across he shoulders and slightly under the sleeves. He leant in to kiss the side of her neck and then rested his chin on her shoulder when she tiled her head back, welcoming his touch. Not willing to push his luck, he pulled away after a few seconds, pleased at least that she was comfortable with even a small amount of affection.

"We need to talk," he said softly when she he finished her breakfast. A deeply pained expression crossed her face and she turned her head away from him. He reached over and touched her wrist gently, always aware for any flinching. "We can't pretend that last night didn't happen, love."

"Why not?" she asked, and he could hear the threatening tears in her voice.

"Because I don't want whatever it is that we have to end up the same as you and Charlie. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me. I want us to be honest with each other."

"I want that too," she said plaintively.

"Then we need to talk." She nodded slightly. "I was thinking last night. I thought a _lot_, actually. And I never want you to feel like you have to do anything. Or that you can't tell me something. I know it can't be easy for you to talk about it, so I want you to know that there is nothing you can tell me that will make me think any less of you."

"But – last night – I attacked you – " she blustered.

"And you can attack me all you want if it makes you feel better," he said calmly. "I kind of see a difference between what I thought was you being a brat who didn't like her Christian name and you being distressed because of what someone who should have known better did to you." He let go of her wrist and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm so, so sorry that you had had to go through that. I don't ever want to hear you apologise because of it. Do you understand?" she nodded slightly. "Now, I'm going to assume you've never instigated affection with a guy?" he asked.

"Well, Charlie was always really hands-on and – "

"Dora, I don't need an explanation. I just wanted to know. You said last night you didn't like sex with him. I think, given what's happened, you've never been able to go at your own pace. So I'm going to let you instigate everything from now on. When you're ready to kiss me, you can."

The thought of instigating affection scared her almost as much as the idea of talking about what had happened to her. "But can't you just – I mean, you said you're pretty good at reading people – "

"That's not the point. I want you to do it when you feel ready," he said firmly. "And I think your parents should know," he added, prepared to fight her on it.

To his surprise, she said, "They already know. Dumbledore told him."

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. "How did they react?"

"Mum blamed herself. I think she still does, but we don't talk about it."

"Why on earth would she blame herself?"

Tonks shrugged. "Maybe she felt she spent too much time travelling, I don't know. I don't blame her," she added quickly, "but she blames herself. She wouldn't let me out of her sight for a year. She had high hopes for me and Charlie, wanted to see me settled with a decent bloke. We never talked about why we broke up, but I think she knew. And dad – I think he blamed himself a little too, that maybe he wanted to make an example out of a half-blood Black."

Privately Lupin thought that Ted's guilt was probably closer to the truth. Lucius Malfoy had always had some funny ideas about what to do with half-bloods and muggle-borns, particularly those who he deemed traitors to the 'pure-blood' cause, like the Weasleys and, in Tonks's case, a half-blood Black. But that was something he would take up with Andromeda. "That brings me to my next thing," he said. "I want them to know about us."

She stiffened immediately at that. She would much rather talk to him about what had happened then tell her parents about them. "They'll freak," she whispered.

"And you think they'll freak less if they find out from someone else – and they will find out, love. We'll be living in the same house again soon enough, either at Grimmauld Place or somewhere else. People will figure it out no matter how discreet we are. I'm only six years younger than him, Dora. If _you_ were your mum, how would you feel to know that you're daughter was seeing someone almost the same age as the uncle who sexually abused her for two years?" She was squirming now, and he hated making her feel uncomfortable, but it needed to be said. "It will be far better if they find out from us from the beginning. You don't have to come with me. In fact, it might be better if I hash things out with them on my own." He had briefly gone to Hogwarts with Andromeda and Ted – they had been seventh years when he had been first – and didn't particularly want Tonks to hear her mother's thoughts on her dating someone who, if not quite old enough to be her father, was old enough to have gone to school with her mother.

* * *

"Remus, come in. It's been too long," Andromeda Tonks said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Order stuff. Sirius and I kept meaning to come by, but..." he trailed off. There was always so many things you meant to do, thinking you had all the time in the world and then one day, suddenly, time had come to a screeching halt. Andromeda had been close to Sirius, preferring him to her two sisters even though Sirius had been six years younger than her. She had been loathe to believe that Sirius had been guilty of killing all those people, and delighted when it had turned out that Sirius was, in fact, innocent. The two had chatted frequently via the Floo network, but had deemed it prudent not to meet in person until his name was publicly cleared.

Well, now his name _was_ publicly cleared and there would still be no reunion.

Lupin followed her through the spacious house. He had been here a few times before, but obviously, this was the first time since becoming involved with Tonks, and he marvelled at the fact that she could possibly be happy with his small, shabbily-furnished apartment after growing up in a place like this. "Molly should probably have gotten you to come and clean up Grimmauld Place," he mused, momentarily forgetting that the main reason Sirius and Andromeda had never been physically reunited was because he couldn't risk leaving the house and Andromeda, not being a member of the Order, couldn't go there.

"Have they worked out who owns the place yet?" she asked.

Lupin nodded. "Harry does. It was really quite simple, actually. Dumbledore got him to give Kreacher and order, Kreacher was forced to obey, which means Kreacher and the house are Harry's. We'll keep using it as headquarters."

"Good," Andromeda said vehemently. "I didn't want the place but I didn't want Bellatrix to get it, either."

He hadn't noticed before how much despite she held for her family; but then, he hadn't known before just what that family, in the form of her sister's husband, had done to earn that despise.

Andromeda made tea and they took it into the living room, which was bigger than his entire apartment. She cocked her head when she saw how stiff he looked. "You're nervous about something," she said.

"I am not."

"Yes, you are. Don't try bulshitting a Black, Remus."

"It's about your daughter," he blurted out.

Andromeda's eyes narrowed. "You screwed her," she accused.

"I like to think it was a little more civilised then _screwing_ her," he said testily.

She sighed, and the disappointment in it was obvious. "I suspected this would happen," she said. "Sirius was all for it. Was quite proud of himself for undermining all your attempts to keep your distance. Jesus, Remus, what _happened_? You kept it up for nine months and then, what? You took leave of your senses? Decided to take a child to bed? _Why_?"

"She's not a child, Andromeda, she's twenty-three," Lupin reminded her. "She's old enough to make up her own mind – and she'd been making it clear that she wanted me to take her to bed all year."

"So what changed?"

Lupin sighed guiltily. "I felt so alone when Sirius died," he said. _I still do_. "And I was weak. I let her come over." He decided that sounded better than having asked her to come over. "Maybe I should have told her no, but... it's done now and I like being with her."

"And you know what you're exposing her to if it becomes known you're seeing each other?" Andromeda asked icily. "She'll be an outcast. Damnit, I wanted her to settle down with Charlie."

"Charlie Weasley was a seventeen-year-old virgin who didn't know the first thing about how to handle a sexual abuse victim and you damn well know that, Andromeda," Lupin said.

Andromeda went pale with shock. "How did you – " she asked.

"She told me," he said calmly. This wasn't how he had meant to tell Andromeda, but he had told her now.

"I had no idea," she said. "At least not at the time. I didn't like her choice in husband and she didn't like mine but we were sisters and we believed as Blacks that we should stick together. And then I get this call from Dumbledore telling me – " she broke off and shuddered at the memory. "I still wonder if there was something I had done. If I had let him down more gently, if I hadn't needled him – "

"Lucius Malfoy was always a cruel, malicious bigot," Lupin interrupted her. "And I'm sorry to say that his son is turning out the same way. You could have given him the gentlest turn-down in the world and he still would have felt humiliated. For all anyone knows, he could have been targeting half-bloods for years and Dora just happened to be an easy target. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't yours. Only his. And I'm going to make damn sure she understands that if it's the only thing I do."

There was a grim determination in his voice that Andromeda took some comfort out of. Lupin had always been extremely loyal and patient. And ironically, he knew better than most what it was like to be violated and violently and irrevocably as her daughter had been. Ironically, because it was his very werewolf status that made her not want him to have anything to do with Tonks – at least not romantically. "Why did she tell you?" Andromeda asked, something occurring to her.

"Pardon?"

"Why. Did she tell you?" Andromeda repeated. "She hasn't, as far as I know, told anyone herself. Dumbledore read her mind and told us. She couldn't tell Charlie. Remus?" she asked when Lupin pulled his legs up against his chest and pressed her forehead against his knees. "Remus – _what – did – you – do?_" Andromeda demanded shrilly.

"I didn't know," Lupin moaned. "She didn't mind it when I was a bit rough with her so I thought – I figured – she was on her stomach and looked so desirable – I pushed her head into the pillow and I – I didn't – I didn't – " Suddenly he lurched and threw up all over the richly carpeted Tonks living room. Andromeda suddenly noticed the scratches down his face – they looked recent, and human. She felt like throwing up herself. Lupin had inadvertently forced himself on her, her human strength no match for his animal strength, thinking she would say yes, depriving her of the means to say no, forcing her to relive something no-one should have had to go through... and Tonks had reacted the second he let her up by slashing at his face and whatever else she could reach. A basic healing charm could have taken care of those scratches, but he had chosen to let them heal naturally, to remind himself of what he had done.

She fought back the urge to lash out at him, strike him for traumatising her daughter even more. Malfoy had violated her out of perverse pleasure at hurting someone he both thought as being beneath him who was also from an older, more noble family then his; Lupin had grossly misread the signals from someone who had already had consensual sex with, and was clearly disgusted with himself for doing it. "I didn't mean to, I had no idea," he moaned pitifully as he continued to throw up.

Finally, after several minutes, his stomach was completely empty. With a calmness she didn't feel, Andromeda vanished the mess with a flick of her wand, and procured a glass of sea-green liquid. "Ted has a muggle's tolerance for firewhisky," she said casually. "Thirty years and he still doesn't know when he's had enough."

Lupin accepted the drink gratefully. "Thanks," he said when he finished it. Then, "sorry about the mess."

"It's OK," she said, trying to convey that she was OK with everything – the mess, his involvement with Nymphodora, his gross misreading of the situation.

"No, it's not," he said, hearing in her voice her struggle to be OK with the situation. "You're as disgusted with me as I am with myself."

"I won't pretend I'm happy about it," Andromeda admitted. "Even before it happened, I saw her with someone like Charlie. You're going to drag her down. Especially in this environment – you know Umbridge is trying to push through legislation banning cross-breed marriages?"

"I wasn't planning on _marrying_ her, Andromeda," Lupin said, although if people were so scared of anything that wasn't human – at least, people like Umbridge in positions of power – enough to try for a blanket ban on legal unions, that would invariably reflect on social attitudes as a whole. "Look," he said. "I'm not here to ask for your permission... though your acceptance would be nice. _I_ wish she could be happy with someone like Charlie, too. But I'm good for her and I won't stop seeing her unless that's what she wants. Why don't you and Ted come over for drinks?" he suggested. "You can see us together."

"I've got a better idea," Andromeda said. "Why don't _you_ come over for drinks? I know you live in something akin to a closet. Ted will be more upset to know his daughter's involved with someone who can't afford the lifestyle she's used to than the fact she's involved with a werewolf."

* * *

"I think we should go back into the living room," Tonks said, stretching out lazily, the butterbeer having gone to her head, the sense of calm and security that she got from being with Lupin making her feel like she could go to sleep in his arms right now, despite the fact they were here on a kind of 'meet the parents' date.

He stroked her hair, which, he noted with amusement, was her natural mousy brown and ended at the bottom of her shoulder blades. Clearly, she kept to her natural look around her parents, or at least in their home. "I think they're talking about us," he said to her. "Best to leave them to it."

"But – shouldn't we go and show them how we are together?" she asked.

"We've already done that, love. They get it. Let them hash it out. They know their feelings won't change our minds, and we have that in our favour. Let's not undermine that by forcing it in their faces."

Nodding with understanding, she flung her arm across his chest and rubbed her cheek against his shirt, taking in the smell of him. He absently traced Ruins symbols along her back, through her shirt, and the warmth of his fingers through the material was oddly sensual. His hands never left the centre of her back, and she was both relieved and disappointed by that. Relieved, because she wasn't haunted by the anxiety that his touched wouldn't progress to his hand under her shirt, down her pants, feeling her up, expecting more from her – but at the same time disappointed, because in the last week, he had acted unfailingly chaste towards her, and she was struggling to remember the way he had looked at her that first night they had been together. "Remus?" she asked.

"Mmm?" He concentrated on the pattern he was tracing on her back and tried not to think too much about how her slim frame felt draped over his, her arm casually across his chest.

"D'you still find me attractive?"

"Whatever made you ask a question like _that_?" he asked.

"My dad's more affectionate with me."

"D you really think I'd be facing your parents wrath if I wasn't attracted to you?" he asked incredulously. "I already told you, love. Just make your move when you're ready."

"But I've never done it before."

"Then I'll know that you really want me when you do."

She blushed. "I do, Remus. It's just – "

"Love, you don't have to explain anything to me. You like being with me like this, don't you? I'm not making you feel uncomfortable?"

"No. It feels perfect."

He kissed the top of her head. "Then stop questioning if I'm still attracted to you. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

* * *

"He'll ruin her life."

"Like you ruined mine?" Andromeda asked casually.

"It's not the same. It's far more acceptable to be with a muggle-born wizard than a werewolf," Ted countered.

"I seemed to recall my mother hell bent on me returning Lucius Malfoy's interest," Andromeda reminded him.

Ted shot a dark look at her. "Don't ever mention him," he spat. "I suppose it hasn't occurred to you that he's almost the same age as him? You don't think that's skewered her judgement? She should be with someone her own age."

"Oh, _open your eyes_, Ted," Andromeda said. "Did you not see her with Charlie? She could barely stand to have him touch her."

"She just needs time."

"She doesn't need time, Ted, she needs someone who gets her. And whatever other issues there are, he _does _get her. You can't tell me she hasn't looked that relaxed around someone who isn't us for years."

"He's putting on an act," ted insisted.

"I've known him for nearly as long as I've known you," Andromeda reminded him. "Do I _like_ that she's involved with a werewolf? Of course not. But I do like the way she is around him. And I trust him."

"He'll drag her down."

"He'll be discreet. And more to the point, there's nothing you or I can do about it. They're not after our permission and you know what she's like, if we don't at least try to accept them, she'll just do her own thing and we'll see her even less than we did last year."

Grudgingly, Ted nodded his assent. Andromeda walked towards her daughter's room, where the door was open. Both fully dressed, Lupin was lying on his back, Tonks in his arms, playing with her hair. Despite her reservations about her being involved with a werewolf, she couldn't deny that Tonks looked relaxed and peaceful. She had always been so stiff with Charlie, and it had been obvious that as much as she had adored him as a friend, as a lover, he terrified her. She wasn't like that with Lupin at all. Andromeda didn't know how much of that was that something had pushed her over her fear of sex – something she didn't want to think about – and how much of it was that he had some inkling of what she had gone through, but she couldn't deny that he had a way with her, and he seemed to care deeply about what was best for her – and, more importantly, _know_ what was best for her.

"Ted and I were just having coffee and chocolate, and I know how much of a sweet tooth you have," Andromeda said to Lupin when she went into her daughter's room to find her curled up against him, both of them full clothed.

It was, he realised, an invitation to join them, now that he had won a kind of approval. He suspected Ted was far less approving, and he was grateful to Andromeda for bringing him around.

The three of them joined Ted in the living room. Lupin was right in guessing Ted had been far less approving than Andromeda from the way he greeted him. Well, he would just have to get used to it. He and Tonks sat next to each other, and he grabbed her hand, resting them both on her knee.

Ted noticed the affection. Andromeda had already had a quiet word with him, saying that Tonks was clearly relaxed around him and that he respected her personal space. And she _did_ look at him like he was her hero or something. Ted had often worried that Tonks would never find someone who made her look like that.

Lupin and Tonks got up to leave shortly after. "Remus, if you could hang back a minute, I'd like to talk to you," Ted said. Lupin stayed back, feeling nervous.

"Please don't try to appeal to my – _better nature_," he said quietly. "I know I'm not what you want in a boyfriend for her, but she means everything to me and I won't give her up. She's old enough to make her own choices."

"You're right, you're not what I want in a boyfriend," Ted admitted. "And you're also right that she's old enough to make up her own mind. And I know better than to try telling a Black what she can and can't do. But I want you to know that she never really got over it – what that bastard did to her. I used to hear her crying herself to sleep at night. I saw how she was with Charlie, she could barely stand to have him touch her. I worried that she'd end up along because she was so scared of intimacy. I can't say I'm happy she's involved with a werewolf, but I can't say I'm _un_happy that she's so comfortable with you. But Remus – if you hurt her, even unintentionally, I'll kill you. Do you understand?"

Lupin nodded, glad that Ted didn't know exactly how he had found out about Tonks's abuse. "Rest assured she won't come to any harm with me," he said gravely. Ted nodded slightly, and Lupin felt they understood each other as much as was possible.

"What was that about?" Tonks asked when they transported back to her apartment.

"He's just being an overprotective dad," Lupin said. "I'd be exactly the same if I was him. Well, I'll be off – you're all set to go back to Grimmauld Place tomorrow?"

She nodded. "You don't want to stay the night?" she asked hopefully.

"Dora, I'd love to, but I don't think that's a good idea. I don't trust myself unconscious around you. I _did_ tell you I'm still totally attracted to you," he added when she blushed at the thought of Lupin having his way with her when he was unconscious. He bent his head to kiss her on the cheek. She almost turned her head so his lips would meet hers but chickened out at the last minute, still not fully ready for even that small intimacy. "I'll see you tomorrow, then," he whispered. "Oh, and love? Be fully prepared to field a lot of invasive questions from Molly. Her heart's in the right place, but she is _such_ a gossip."


	4. Chapter 4

"Andromeda! I want a word with you!" The unmistakable voice of Lucius Malfoy came through the front door of the Tonks home. Tonks bolted up from where she had been curled up on the couch, her head on Lupin's lap, drifting in and out of light sleep as he simultaneously played with her hair and read a book. It had been his idea that if the dropped in to see her parents every few weeks, they would get used to the idea of them being together. They got that Lupin had a calming influence on her.

Which all might be for nothing since Malfoy was determined to take his fight to get Grimmauld Place reinstated to what he thought was its true heir – his wife, Narcissa.

"Let's go," Lupin directed Tonks. "Back to Grimmauld Place. Your parents can deal with him."

She gripped his arm. There was fear in her eyes, but also determination. "No," she said, her voice shaky but resolved. "I won't be run out of my own home – well, my parent's home. But you won't leave me?"

He shook his head. "Of course I won't."

With her daughter's OK, Andromeda let Lucius in the house. He marched in, ready to hex his sister-in-law. "You seriously thought I'm that stupid?" Andromeda asked coldly. "And Black worthy of the name knows to charm their house so only the ones they want can use magic within it. I'd have thought you worked that out when the Floo network didn't work for you. Or did my sister never master that talent?" Lupin choked back a snort of laughter at that. It had been Sirius's contention that Narcissa had been appropriately nick-named 'Cissy' on account that she was the most cowardly and least talented of the three Black women.

It got Malfoy's attention, and Lupin got the distinct feeling that Malfoy had used the contentious inheritance as an excuse to come over. He wondered if Malfoy had known they would be there, or if he had just gotten lucky. "I was wondering if it was true," he drawled, taking in the way Lupin grabbed for Tonks's hand – and the way Tonks leaned back against him, not to mention the way his free arm snaked around his waist. "My niece, in bed with a werewolf."

"Least she came to my bed of her own free will and didn't have to be raped by her uncle," Lupin said sharply. He saw the way Andromeda blanched at the bald way he had put her daughter's abuse and sent her an apologetic look, but he refused to sugar-coat it. Malfoy's eyes glittered dangerously, more affronted that she would willingly go to bed with an impoverished werewolf when he'd had to use force and threats on her than the bald way Lupin had described his treatment of her.

"Careful," he drawled. "You wouldn't want to explain yourself when I sue you for slander."

Lupin laughed at that. "Slander only works when you're name's been tarnished in the eyes of people who previously held you in esteem." He didn't need to expand on that to make it clear that there was no such person here.

"Something you wouldn't be very used to," Malfoy retorted.

Lupin shrugged, as if it was of extreme indifference to him that he was considered nothing – less than nothing, an animal – to most people in the wizarding world while a child-molester was held in such high esteem. "Least I don't have to force myself onto children." He felt Tonks pushed her backside against his crotch, and he took that as silent permission to slide her free hand down her body and squeeze her ass noticeably. "Now tell us what you wanted and get the fuck out. You're not welcome here."

Malfoy fumed silently but obviously. "I want what's mine," he said ambiguously.

"There's nothing here that's yours," Lupin said calmly. Then, "Dora, get your wand and blast this guy out of existence."

Malfoy knew immediately that Tonks would do that – and if she didn't, her mother would. "I'm going, but this isn't the last of it," he growled. "Let's just see how much sway a half-blood and a half-breed have against _me_. There's no person who'd dare go against me."

"You forget, I'm not a person," Lupin reminded him; God knew, Malfoy had said enough times that half-breeds didn't count as people that he ought to have remembered that. "And I'm _very_ territorial. You touch her again, hell, you so much as _look_ at her again and I'll kill you."

"I'm _so scared_," Malfoy sneered, but there was definite fear in his voice. He had trusted Andromeda and Ted to know that they couldn't go up against him and expect to win... but Lupin was a wild card. A werewolf might just be territorial enough not to care who he was taking on. "You'll be hearing from me," he said before leaving the house.

"You OK?" Lupin asked Tonks the second he was gone.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"You're shaking."

"No, actually, _you're_ shaking and think I am," she corrected him. "Mum, can you –?" she asked, looking pointedly at Andromeda.

"I'll go get us some drinks," Andromeda suggested. It was her mother's instinct to want to take her daughter in her arms and hold her tight and not let her go, but Tonks looked surprisingly calm and wanting a moment alone with her boyfriend, so she went to the kitchen. Lupin sat down on the couch, pulling Tonks into his lap.

"I wanted to kill him," he admitted. "Any closer to the full moon and I might have just ripped his head off." He hugged her tightly, as if to reassure himself that no harm had come to her – at least not of the physical kind. "How are you feeling?"

"A little gross," she admitted. "I could do with a long shower. But... I didn't even feel like I did when I had sex with Charlie. It felt – it's never happened to me so I don't know if this is the right comparison but it felt like he was this sleazy older guy perving on me and was fantasising things he shouldn't be, but that he couldn't actually touch me... whatever he said about 'wanting what was his'." She giggled, a little hysterically. "Did you see the way he looked at us when he realised we were actually together?"

"I don't think I helped matters when I reminded him that you came to me – a werewolf, no less – of your free will. I don't think his ego will ever get over that." She smiled at him, enjoying the moment of absolute safety and love she felt with Lupin, and the knowledge that her abuser had left disgruntled and refused. Impulsively, she kissed him, pressing her lips against his in a very tentative, childish manner. His first thought was that she kissed like you would expect of a teenage girl doing it for the first time – which made it all the nicer. He opened his mouth slightly to accept her kiss, keeping almost completely still as she slid her tongue over his lips. He willed himself not to squeeze her waist tight at the sensation, and was glad that the anti-lust potion he was taking largely curtailed his urges, or he doubted he would have been able to stand Tonks kissing him without at least _wanting_ to rip her clothes off and screw her brains out on her mother's couch. She felt his moustache brush against her face and touched his chin lightly, his stubble rubbing pleasantly against her fingers. She felt butterflies in her stomach and Lupin kept almost perfectly still except for the way his hands were pressing slightly harder against her waist. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and searched out his tentatively, and it was only when she found it that he started to kiss her back – and even then, it was nothing like the hungry, frantic kisses they had shared on their first night together. This was more like a proper first kiss, the kind of first kiss she would have liked, not her uncle's forced attentions or Charlie's clumsy ones.

"Remus," she whispered.

"Dora..." The soft, slightly sensual way he said her name told her that he wanted her to do what felt comfortable and no more. She kissed him on the mouth for a few minutes before starting on his face, running her fingers through his hair. He moved his arms so his hands were on the small of her back and rubbed them up and down a few inches, but nothing more invasive then that... Andromeda was glad she hadn't announced her return with coffee and chocolate when she returned to the living room to find the two of them kissing. Actually 'kissing' was possibly too strong a word for it, because even now, she and her husband shared more heated kisses than what her daughter and her boyfriend were doing, and Lupin had to be straining at the bit for heavier action than Tonks was giving him, even _with_ that anti-lust Potion that he was dosing himself with. Instead, he was sitting there with all the stillness of an obedient dog, letting her touch him in accordance to what she felt comfortable with.

Feeling slightly voyeuristic but finding a strong sense of peace in seeing her daughter instigate affection, Andromeda watched the two... "Ahhhh!" Lupin's instinct was to push Tonks off his lap, then a second later tighten his grip around her waist to keep her from falling off the couch. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking guilty when he saw Andromeda. She found herself laughing at that.

"You look like a guilty schoolboy, Remus," she said.

"We weren't doing anything," he mumbled.

"I could see that."

"Mum!" Tonks said, furious at Andromeda for interrupting them. Andromeda smiled serenely at her.

"I thought you wanted my approval?" she asked. "Well, you have it."

"That means a lot to me – to us," Lupin said with quiet dignity. He slid his arm across Tonks's waist and she rested her head against his shoulder. No, Andromeda thought, he wasn't the man she would have chosen to date her daughter... but that didn't mean he wasn't perfect for her.

* * *

Lupin lay on his back, relishing the feel of Tonks's hands under his shirt. She traced the scars on his chest with a lover's gentleness and fascination, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt desired. "Tell me what you want," he said softly.

"I want you to touch me... here," she said, taking his hand and moving it around her back, under her shirt. "Mmmm... feels good," she murmured as he began stroking her bare skin. "You're very good with your hands, Remus."

"I aim to please." He placed his free hand on her hip, gesturing for her to straddle him – if she wanted to. She leaned forward to kiss him. In the last few weeks, she had become increasingly confident with him and her kisses felt increasingly natural. He was finding himself less and less nervous about touching her in a way that would set her off – indeed, she instigated more and more, her affection becoming increasingly passionate.

"Lower, please," she whispered huskily as he ran his hand across the waistband of her pants.

"You sure?" She nodded her assent and he slid his hand inside her pants. Taking a deep breath, she reached behind her, took his hand in hers and guided it under the material of her panties so his hand was making direct contact with her bare bottom. "Love," he whispered. "Are you sure?" he asked her again. She nodded her head. "I don't want you to feel you have to." She smiled lovingly at him.

"Remus, you've never made me feel like I had to do anything," she said. "I want to." He grinned at her.

"Since I can't actually have my way with you, I guess you'll just have to endure an entirely one-sided situation," he said. She frowned. She had forgotten that the anti-lust potion he took put a massive dampener on his libido.

"I want you to know I appreciate what you've done for me," she said. "It's more than anyone could be expected – ahhh..." she moaned when he slid his hand down her bottom and his fingers between her legs. "Remus..." She closed her eyes in pleasure and began rocking against his fingers. "Oh – ah – Remus..." She moaned with pleasure as he screwed her with his fingers, stroking and thrusting her to an orgasm. When it was over she collapsed on top of him. "Thankyou," she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome."

"I think you can stop taking that potion now," she said with a small giggle.

"You sure?" he asked. "I don't want – "

"Remus Lupin, if you say one more time that you don't want me to feel I have to do something, I'll hit you. I'll _tell_ you if I'm not enjoying it. And I enjoyed that very much," she added, snuggling into him. "How long will it take for the potion to wear off?" "Couple of days, I should say. I don't particularly want to ask Severus directly. He has this way of making me feel like a horny schoolboy."

She giggled."He's just jealous."

There was a knock on the door. "Remus? Tonks? Is everything OK? I thought I heard noises," Molly's voice came through the door. Snape wasn't the only one curious about the degree of intimacy that Lupin and Tonks shared.

"Everything's fine, Molly," Lupin called back, feeling his face become warm as the blood rushed to it. He had forgotten to put an Imperturbable Charm on the door before putting his fingers inside her. "Great," he said. "Now I really _do_ feel like a horny schoolboy." She giggled and lowered her gaze pointedly at his crotch.

"If that's how you feel now, wait a few days."

* * *

"Love, maybe we should wait. I always get really horny close to the full moon."

Tonks glared at Lupin, hands on her hips in a combative position. "Remus Lupin, don't you dare back out of this now. You're just afraid."

"Damn straight I'm afraid. Have you forgotten what happened the last time we were – er – intimate?"

"Of course I haven't. But I know you didn't mean to do it – I know if you had known – Remus, I'm not this fragile little girl who can't handle a little aggressiveness." She sat in his lap, deliberately wriggling about to turn him on. A month of repressing his sexuality came back to bite him on the ass.

"Love, you're not playing fair." Though part of him was secretly delighted – she would never have had the guts to wriggle around like that a month ago. She grinned.

"Isn't all fair in love and war?" she asked. "I want you, Remus. I trust you." She took his hand and moved it under her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. Lupin sighed at the feeling and curled his fingers around her perky breast. "Do _you_ want _me_?"

"Don't be coy, of course I want you."

"Then man up. Or can you only get it up when you're lonely?"

"Oh, you are so not getting away with that," Lupin said, and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back; she could feel his growing erection against her ass, felt the heat of his desire and wondered how she could possibly have overlooked his faded libido in these last few weeks. But then, it said a lot about him that he had restrained himself and have her not notice. She didn't think it was possible for her to be crazier about him, but it was. He stood up, looping his arm under her knees, and carried her to the bed. He rained kisses down on her face and neck, at the same time moving his hands under her shirt, pulling it up and over her head, tossing it on the floor. He fastened his mouth on her nipple and flicked his tongue over it until he felt it grow hard.

She reached for his hair and yanked on it. "Remus," she choked out. She reached down and pulled his shirt up; he arched his back when she ran her hands the length of it; she could feel the muscles flexing under her touch. Now they were both naked from the waist up. Lupin kissed his way down her body, smothering her skin with his mouth. He got to the waistband of her pants and tugged at them, pulling them down.

"Very nice," he murmured appreciatively when he saw the skimpy thong she was wearing underneath. "All the easier for me to do this," he said, and he lowered his head to start eating her out, his tongue working around the skimpy material. She grabbed his hair again and began writhing on the bed, crying out his name as he used his fingers and mouth on her, licking, kissing, stroking until she climaxed and went still and quiet. He removed her thong so she was completely naked and crawled up the bed so he was on top of her again. "Help me, love," he grunted, taking her hand and putting it on the top button of his pants. He didn't need her assistance so much as her permission. She helped him out of his pants and he kicked them aside, his erection springing free. He wedged his hand between her thighs and she spread them obediently. "You ready?" he asked, although he could tell from her wetness that she was. "If you start to feel uncomfortable – "

"Remus!" she said, the exasperation in her tone obvious.

"OK, OK. I just wanted to make sure." Kissing her again, he entered her slowly, sliding into her with ease. She moaned when he slid inside her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Remus! Oh, God, darling..." She grabbed his hair and yanked his head up so he could kiss her, and ran her hands the length of his back. She thrust her hips, matching his rhythm, groaning as she did. She dug her nails into his back but he barely felt it for the rush of blood in his ears. She climaxed with a shudder.

He buried his face in her neck and spilled himself inside her. "Dora, love, ahhh..." He slid his hands under her bottom and squeezed her.

"See? Nothing to worry about," she told him. "I never want to hurt you," he whispered. "I know. I trust you." She wriggled underneath him so he got off her and pulled her into a spooning position. "I never thought I'd be happy like this," she murmured. "I never thought I could be with someone and not feel dirty everytime he touched me."

He kissed the back of her head. "I'm sorry you had to live through that. I want to make you feel special all the time."

"You do make me feel special. Look, um, I was thinking – do you want to move in?"

"Move in?"

"Well, it makes sense if Molly doesn't like us sneaking around, and you practically spend every night here anyway and my room's nicer... and I like having you around, Remus."

"I'd want to keep my own room, though," he said cautiously. "I love being with you, you know that, but I need my own space for that time of the month. I don't want to expose you to that."

"You said you're harmless." "I am... but I still don't want to expose you to that. This isn't a negotiation, love, that's my deal."

"Alright," she agreed. Twenty-five out of twenty-eight days was a good deal. "Does it hurt?" she asked. "When you transform?"

"Like hell. Not so much as just a wolf, but when I'd transform to a werewolf, it was excruciating. It's not something I would wish on anyone... well, maybe your uncle. God, to think someone like that is out there creating more children."

There was an uneasy silence before Tonks asked, "Remus, speaking of which – "

"Taken care of, love. I don't want to expose you to my wolf side, d'you think I'm going to expose you to my genes? I have a contraceptive potion that I've been taking for years."

"But Lucius and Charlie – "

"Lucius is hardly a model of decency and Charlie would have married you if he'd gotten you pregnant. I don't have that choice." "Sorry?" "It's only a matter of time before Umbridge gets her cross-breed marriage law through. And I have no idea what I'd be exposing you to by not using contraception. We tend to be created, not bred. Who knows what I could be putting inside you... and if this current environment of fear continues, they might not let you keep it anyway."

"I don't understand," she said, shuddering because she _did_ understand.

"I'm saying given the current climate, the Ministry may just decide to rip it out of you, and I don't want to see that happen to you. I'm sorry, Dora, I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you already knew." He turned onto his back, aware that he'd filled her with disgust. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

"No," she said in a small voice.

"I won't blame you if this is too much for you," he said. "I'm really sorry, love. I thought you understood. I can't ever marry you or give you a child or a normal life." "I don't care!" "Are you sure?" he asked cautiously. "Well, OK – I do care," she admitted. "But not enough that I'd want to be with someone else. The way you make me feel – I never thought I'd feel like this. I don't want anyone else."

He drew her into his arms. "I've never had anyone care about me the way you do," he said huskily. "You shouldn't have to go through this." She snuggled into his arms. "I've never had anyone who got me the way you do, Remus. I'm happy to go through this."


	5. Chapter 5

"You're really good with her, you know that," Charlie said a few months later. "I didn't realise how badly I was bungling things until now."

"You weren't bungling things, Charlie, you just didn't know what you were meant to do... and you couldn't have been expected to. She needed someone to be patient with her. I'm sure you could have done it if you'd _known_ you were supposed to."

"Now you're just flattering me because you know damn well you don't have to follow through on that." Lupin grinned. It was nice to be a good terms with Charlie. "Look – I don't want to pry – but is everything OK between you two? Neither of you seem as happy as when you first got together."

"How would you know? I've been told I'm _always_ tired and raggy."

"OK, _you_, I wouldn't have a clue. But she's pretty obvious. The more unhappy she is, the more she reverts back to her natural colour."

"Ah, I was _wondering_ if that was what it was. I know this sounds bad, but I hadn't noticed. I tend to be more focused on setting her off. I don't trust her to have something trigger her and try to hide it from me."

"Well, she's trying harder than she did to me. I'm sure you would have noticed if she just lay there until you were done and then burst into tears every time."

Lupin grimaced just at the thought. "Ouch. No wonder you were bitter." But Charlie's words had forced him to realise that actually, Tonks _had_ been a little distant towards him of late. Was it something he had done? If he'd hurt her, even unintentionally, he'd never forgive himself; he was finding it hard enough to forgive himself for the way he had hurt her their first night together. He made a mental note to bring it up with her.

* * *

"Love, is everything alright?" They were lying in bed, fully clothed, because ever since Charlie had said that stuff about her being unhappy and crying after sex, he had been haunted by the thought that she was putting on an act for his benefit and he had in fact done something to hurt her.

"Why wouldn't it be?" The very fact she had turned the question back on him told him that no, everything was _not_ alright.

"Because you've been rather distant towards me lately, and you don't muck around with your hair the way you used to."

"You hated my hair that way."

"Well, I hate the fact that the _absence_ of it means you're unhappy even more," he said. "What's wrong? Have I done something?"

"No."

"You sure?" he pressed.

"No, Remus, you've been a disgustingly patient gentleman the entire time we've been together. There's absolutely nothing that I can fault you with. " She had snapped at him, but he didn't doubt her sincerity.

"Then what the hell is the matter with you?" She was silent, the kind of uncomfortable silence that was deafeningly loud. "Dora? I asked you what was wrong."

"I want to get married," she blurted out.

"You know that's not possible. You've known that for months." Umbridge had gotten her law passed a while ago. So far Fleur was still 'safe' – although she and Bill were aware that it was likely only a matter of time – as a quarter-part Veela, and Veelas weren't considered particularly offensive as far as half-breeds went. But Giants and werewolves had been first hit by the new legislation, like Lupin had known they would be. "And I wouldn't marry you even if I could. We'll never be accepted."

"I know a way we'd be accepted."

He stared at her for a few seconds, his mind refusing to accept what she was suggesting; it was too outrageous, too horrific. "No," he said with quiet forcefulness that was far more effective at getting across how repulsive he found the idea than if he'd shouted.

"But if it was my choice – " she protested.

"It still wouldn't be mine," he interrupted her.

"You don't get to make the choice for both of us!" "No, I get to make it for _me_. And I'm saying no."

She leapt out of bed, her eyes blazing with all the indignance her youth could afford her. "I want this, Remus! I want to be with you!"

"You _are_ with me, and you knew the conditions from the first day. I will _not_ do that to you."

She glared at him defiantly, and he knew her well enough to know what she was going to say before she said it. "I could find someone else," she suggested. "Who was it who bit you? Fenrir Greyback?"

He lunged at her, furious that she could _think_ about such a solution to their inability to marry, let alone _suggest_ it, let alone _insist_ on it. He tackled her to the floor, forcing her onto her stomach, holding her wrists in a vice-like grip behind her back, her human strength no match for his werewolf strength. With deliberate cruelty, he wedged his knee hard between her thighs. "Remus!" she gasped. "You're hurting me!"

"And you don't think it's going to hurt when you're bitten, you stupid girl," he hissed. He felt rage at her idiocy, a burning rage he hadn't felt in a long time, not since the invention of Wolfsbane when he'd claimed a degree of control over his life. He snapped her wrist back until he heard the _crack_. "Shut up!" he yelled at her when she screamed. "It'll hurt a lot more if this is what you want."

"Remus! What is Merlin's name are you doing to her?" Molly asked in alarm when she burst into the room to see Lupin looking like he was getting ready to either rape or beat the crap out of her. Molly's voice snapped him out of his fury.

"I'm – sorry," he mumbled, and Appirated out of Grimmauld Place before Molly could curse him.

* * *

"I'm with Remus on this one. You're a stupid girl," Moody said. He took Tonks's wrist and healed it in an instant.

"He could have married me."

"Oh, would that be _before_ or _after_ he killed you?" Moody asked sarcastically. "God, what's he been telling you that you could possibly think it's a good idea?"

"I knew it would hurt," she said defiantly. "I've been hurt before. None of you think so, but I have." ... "

The girl's gone bonkers," Moody said in disgust. "And as crazy as it is, it's just the kind of thing she'd think of. The Blacks have all been determined to get what they want. I can't believe he'd be stupid enough not to make it clear the kind of life he has."

"I think he did, and she just didn't want to hear it," Charlie spoke up. "He's good for her, to a point that she practically worships him. If he made any mistakes, it was in letting her worship him like that."

"And you know this... how?" Moody asked suspiciously.

"I know enough – and don't you try reading my mind. Or hers, for that matter." There was a grim determination in Charlie's eyes to do what he could by his ex that made Moody step back and decide not to learn what he could by reading Charlie's mind.

"What do you propose we do then, since you seem to know so much?" he asked. At that point, an owl came knocking at the window. It had to be from Lupin, because only a member of the Order would be able to direct an owl to Grimmauld Place. Moody opened the window and accepted the parchment the owl had tied to its foot. He felt so qualms in opening something that was addressed to Tonks. If the girl was stupid enough to ask her lover to turn her into a werewolf, she deserved her correspondence to be intercepted. Besides, the owl showed no resistance to having its letter taken, which meant it had instructions to let Moody take it.

_Dear Dora,_ _  
I'm so, so sorry for hurting you. I got so mad when you wanted me to do that to you and I wanted to make you feel pain. I shouldn't have done it. I hope you're OK._ _I want you to know that I would marry you if I was human. But I never should have gotten involved with you. I never should have asked you to come over that night and if I had known it would end like this, I certainly never would have. I'm going to stay away for a while until you can get this idea out of your head. Don't try to find me, and for Merlin's sake, do not try and find someone to turn you, you'll only commit yourself to a life of pain and exile and I won't take you back over it. It's best for everyone if you find someone young and whole. _

_Remus_.

"I think there's your answer," Charlie said when Moody showed him the note. "He won't take her back and I think she's smart enough to realise that in a few days. In the meantime, someone must know how to keep her in her room because you said it yourself, she's a Black, she _will_ try and find him – or worse, find someone to turn her." Charlie said these words glad that _he_ didn't know a spell powerful enough to keep a powerful witch contained in her room.

* * *

"Go away. If you won't help me get out of here then you're just as bad as them."

"You know perfectly well I can't reverse a spell that Moody performed and that I wouldn't if I could. What did you _think_ would happen, Tonks? That any of us would let you ruin your life like that? Let alone someone who _knows_ what it's like?"

"You're just jealous," she said venomously, all the spite and power of the Black genes rising up inside her, and she managed to make him feel like a seventeen-year-old boy whose girlfriend cried everytime they had sex again.

"I was," he admitted. "Until I understood why you acted the way you did. I always only wanted to see you happy. And you might be happy with him, but you will _never_ be happy as a werewolf. I will not let you do that to yourself. No-one here will, especially not him."

3


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys**! **Thanks for reading and enjoy the cliffhanger!**

_Tonks._

It hit him like a blow to the stomach with a certainty that he couldn't explain, but he knew that she was at Hogwarts and he knew that there was trouble brewing. He had kept in touch with Dumbledore since leading Grimmauld Place.

Mostly he had been with his own kind, trying to recruit them to his side. He hadn't achieved much but an ongoing feeling of disgust at what animals they could be. He had briefly run with his own kind after finishing school, a rebellion against a society that wouldn't accept him, and he could have sworn that the experience was far worse this time. Maybe knowing Tonks's love had encouraged something human in him.

It was just a pity that all the humanity in his heart didn't stop making him an animal in his body.

And now he was hit with a sinking feeling that she was in danger. Instinct kicked in; he was going to be with her, defend her, or die trying. There was no Appirating straight into Hogwarts, so he grabbed his broomstick, Appirated directly outside the grounds, kicked off and flew in from there. The defence shields Flitwick had placed on the perimeter seemed to have failed, or maybe – his heart twisted painfully when he saw the Dark Mark hovering over the school – the Death Eater presence had nullified it.

There was chaos in the school as students were scattered in fear, running around mostly like headless chickens. He spotted Bill Weasley and felt a huge sigh of relief. "Bill," he said, rushing up to the younger man. "I want you to take anyone who wants to go to the Gryffindor House. The protective spells are pretty powerful – James and Sirius tried to break into the Slytherin house often enough," he added dryly.

"And what will _you_ being doing?" Bill asked.

"Joining in the fight. Don't argue with me, I'm older and I have less to do. Where's Fleur?"

"At the Burrow."

"So your girl's safe and sound. Mine isn't. Now take whoever wants to go and take them to whatever safety you can manage." Bill decided it wasn't worth arguing with him. He turned and started rounding up students, who were grateful to have someone older – and a former Head Boy, no less – giving out orders. "Remus?" he asked as Lupin headed for the stairs, that same instinct that had told him Tonks was in trouble telling him that the battle was going on upstairs. "I thought she wasn't your girl."

"She's always my girl," Lupin called back. "I'm just not going to do anything about it."

There was a pitched battle going on in the Astronomy Tower. Somehow Death Eaters had gotten in, though no-one appeared to be hurt. Naturally, Bellatrix was in the thick of it – like she would miss out on a fight like this. And then he saw her. She was duelling with a Death Eater, a big blond one. And he saw Bellatrix see her, and aim her wand at her. Bellatrix deemed it her mission in life to personally exterminate any members of the Black family against Voldermort, finding it especially offensive that any member of her family would betray the family values. "Avada Kedavra!" he screamed, aiming his want at Bellatrix. It missed, and she ducked. He aimed the spell at her again, and missed again. At that point, she jumped out of the window, and Lupin decided he had more pressing issues than to pursue one Death Eater, albeit one who was a significant threat to Tonks, over a whole Astronomy Tower full of them. He slashed his way through the thick of the fighting, applying the killing curse to anyone who got in his way, not caring about the consequences, not caring if he was injured or died, only caring that he eliminate every Death Eater who dared to come into the sanctuary that was Hogwarts, to kill everyone who came between him and Tonks. He made significant progress, and by the time he got close to her, she had managed her own kill of the big blond Death Eater. He flashed her a proud smile, and then it died on his lips when he saw the one person he possibly hated more than Voldermort come up behind her and grab her in an animal hold – Fenrir Greyback. His face was disfigured with the signs of a werewolf at full moon – only it was the middle of the month. He felt disgust towards his sire that apparently his lust for human flesh was now so great that he had to feed at times other than the full moon.

He saw Tonks tense up with fear when Greyback had his mouth on her neck. _Not so keen now, are we?_ The thought crossed his mind. "Back away," he growled. Greyback leered at him.

"I hear your girl wants to turn," he said – but at least he had to move his mouth away from her to address Lupin.

"Back – _away_," Lupin growled again. He saw Greyback tighten his hands on her wait, and felt rather than saw and heard Tonks shudder with disgust and whimper in fear. "I'll kill her myself before I let you turn her."

"Then kill her," Greyback dared, and went to bite her.

"_MOVE!_" Lupin screamed the first word that came to mind, directing his want at Tonks. It wasn't a real spell and he had no idea how it happened, but she was jolted abruptly from Greyback's hold and come to just as abrupt a halt mere centimetres from the stone wall. "Charlie!" he yelled to the nearest person that he recognised. "Get her out of here!" Once he saw Charlie move in her direction, he advanced on Greyback. Raged blinded him to everything but the man – _creature_ – who had ruined his life and would have taken delight in ruining Tonks's.

"I'll get her eventually," Greyback crooned. "You can't keep an eye on her all the time. You have to crawl into that miserable stupor you call being a werewolf soon enough. You were _such_ a disappointment," he baited Lupin as the two men circled each other. "I've never seen you so mad about anything, and it's over some _human_ that you're not animal enough to turn."

"If that means I'm not you, then I'm fine with that," Lupin snarled, feeling like quite an animal right that moment, no matter what Greyback said. He pulled the silver-bladed knife that he always carried with him – more of a symbol of how much he was repulsed by his own kind than anything – because no-one, not even Greyback, thought he was suicidal enough to carry a weapon that could kill him – out of its sheath and, before Greyback could work out that actually he _was_ that suicidal, he plunged it between the older werewolf's ribs, directly into the lungs, figuring that even if the silver wasn't fatal, a direct penetration to the lung would be. Greyback grunted in surprise, then howled as the silver started to turn his lung to ash.

"You – _traitor_," he hissed to Lupin. Lupin twisted the knife between Greyback's ribs, feeling the pressure dissipate as the bones turned to ash.

"I don't tolerate other men touching my girl," he growled. He took advantage of Greyback's weakened state, pulled out the knife and pushed it into his heart. Greyback grabbed at him, but any damage he intended to do went undone as the life-force – or what counted for it in an evil monster like Greyback – flowed out of him. As his dead sire held onto him, Lupin felt his heart slow down and his body go cold. He was dying, he thought. Were he and Greyback linked through some undocumented phenomenon between werewolves, or perhaps between sire and sired? He supposed it didn't matter, there were worse ways to die than to go killing one of Voldermort's most vicious footmen, he thought as he sank to his knees and collapsed...


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven **

Lupin groaned. His whole body ached, kind of like the time in a way that he couldn't remember. Only enough, it didn't _hurt_ so much as _ache_, but he couldn't remember ever pushing his body so far beyond its limits to make it ache like this. His strength as a werewolf had been phenomenal – and not even that high, compared to werewolves like Greyback who fed on human flesh every month. No, actually, there _was_ pain. His arm throbbed. He groaned again and tried to move his arm. Now it _really_ hurt as the muscle protested violently at even that use and whatever wounds in his arm screamed in searing pain.

Charlie looked up from his book. "Hey, easy, Remus. No-one knows what your limitations are."

"Where – " His brain felt foggy, like he was drunk.

"You're in St. Mungos."

"Died. Heart... cold..."

"You want another blanket?" Lupin nodded weakly. "Dad left you a whole heap. You do realise you're under enough blankets to suffocate most humans?" Charlie asked, draping another blanket – this one a hand-knitted quilt of Molly's – over a bed that was already piled with them. Lupin struggled to sit up. "Don't you dare. I'll help you sit up but you are not to try and move until you've been assessed."

"Sound like Molly," Lupin muttered darkly.

"Least your recovering your ability to talk back," Charlie retorted. Lupin allowed Charlie to wrap his arm around his waist and hoist him into a sitting position. It was humiliating to need to be moved by someone else, let alone Tonks's ex, but since the alternative was staring at the ceiling, Charlie it was. Lupin closed his eyes for a few seconds, gathering his mental strength.

"Dora," he murmured.

"She's fine. Well, she's frantic about you but she's physically fine. I don't know what the hell you did to get her out of Greyback's hold, but it was impressive."

"Just... kinda... willed it."

"Shame. Mum was hoping you could teach it to her. You went totally berserk, you know that. You had this expression on your face that was exactly like mum whenever anyone threatens one of us, particularly Ginny."

"What happened? I felt... cold... heart slowing..."

"No-one knows exactly. We don't know if it was killing a werewolf or killing the one who bit you specifically, but it seems to have reversed the effect. Your heart and body temperature are running at normal human rates – it's no wonder you feel so cold. And there's no toxins in your blood."

Lupin frowned. What Charlie was saying made no sense. "I don't understand."

"No-one does. Look at your arm." Instinctively, Lupin looked at his right arm, the one that felt so sore. It was covered in bandages. "That was done by a couple of Healers who were fascinated and decided it warranted a little experimentation. Dug pretty much anything silver that was sharp enough to pierce skin into your arm. Dad _really_ had a go at them when he found out, and that's why we've been taking turns watching you. I sort of don't blame them, as far as anyone knows, lycanthropy has never been reversed, but it's still a nasty thing to do to someone who's unconscious."

Lupin closed his eyes, struggling to accept what Charlie was telling him. "I'm human?"

"Looks like it. And you've got the exhaustion to prove it. That's why I told you not to push it. Your body's been working off werewolf strength for thirty years, we have no idea how drained you are."

"What happened? At the battle, I mean."

"Dumbledore is dead," Charlie said flatly. "Snape killed him. We all feel – well, I'm sure you can imagine it. But I'd say we inflicted almost as much damage. We only lost Dumbledore – " he said this with a fair hit of irony, because there was no such thing as 'only' when it came to Dumbledore, " – and you took out quite a few Death Eaters all on your own. Remind me never to so much as _look_ at Tonks for more than a second again," he joked.

"Dora," he said again.

"She's fine. We've had to restrain her from storming in here. Dad finally convinced her that going in too exuberant might set you back. Though you'd better do some quick thinking if you're not going to marry her," Charlie added. "She already checked with the Ministry. They agreed that so long as you can pass all their tests, they'll decree you human and you can marry her."

"Marry," Lupin said. Though he had meant it when all his heart when he'd told Tonks he would marry her if he could, he had never thought it would be possible. And he became so overwhelmed with emotion that he started to cry. "Sorry," he said, feeling embarrassed to be acting like such a sook – and in front of Tonks's ex, too. "I want to see her," he said. "I won't move a muscle but – I _need_ to see her."

Charlie nodded. He had that same fierce expression on his face that he had when he'd seen Tonks in danger. He had no doubt that he could be just as stubborn as she was, and if denied what he wanted, he would try getting out of bed and finding her. "I'll talk to someone, see what can be done," he promised. "In the meantime, try and get – "

"Some rest, yes, I know," Lupin said. He was already feeling tired again. He _hated_ feeling tired like this. Even after the poor sleep he always had during a full moon, he never felt tired like this. Was this being human? He wasn't sure that he liked it, he thought as he wriggled around weakly under the blankets in an attempt to get warm...

... "What time is it?" Lupin asked groggily. He glanced out the window. It was dark.

"Three in the morning," Tonks's voice came softly. She took his hand with a gentleness that was completely out of her nature and even in his weak, drowsy state, he could tell that she was struggling to remain restrained. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Sore."

"Human?" she asked hopefully.

"I wouldn't know, love, it's been thirty years. I certainly don't remember feeling this shit when I was a kid. But Charlie says everything checks out as being human. Hey, don' t cry. Please don't cry. I thought you'd be happy."

"I _am_ happy. I – this is what I've always wanted." She stopped crying and went uncomfortably silent twisting his fingers around, searching for the words. "Remus – what you said – I won't hold you to it. I know it's one thing to say something like that when you know – or, rather, you _think_ – that it's not going to be an option – and another to actually mean it. I mean, I know you meant it at the time but..."

He laughed weakly at her awkwardness. "Love, I still want to marry you. I just don't know what kind of husband I'll be. I'm thirteen years older than you," he reminded her quietly. "I have no idea what condition my health's in. I have no idea if I'm going to be able to keep up with you – as a husband, as a father. I can't in all good conscience marry you without trying one last time to convince you that you'd be better off with someone younger with a less chequered past."

"I don't want anyone else," Tonks said, her eyes starting to flash in the way they did when she was angry. Lupin gripped her hand as strongly as he could.

"I know you don't, love, I just wanted to make sure. Nymphodora Tonks, will you marry me?" he asked.

Her eyes glistened with happiness. "Of course," she said.

* * *

"Dear, I must say, I never saw you as one of _those types_," Dolores Umbridge said in that sickening tone that was a combination of patronising and maternalistic.

"One of what types?" Tonks asked, glad that her work as an Auror kept her mainly away from the Ministry and people like Umbridge.

"One of _those_ types... who gets a thrill out of being with men who are – you know..."

"Fraid I don't, Dolores," Tonks said. "And I have a job to do as well as a wedding to plan, so if you don't mind, could you please just say whatever it is you're thinking so I can get back to it."

"Your – er – relationship with Reus Lupin," Dolores said in a combination of disgust and intrigue that Tonks was heartily sink of by now. "It's – well, a little scandalous, isn't it? I mean, I know they _say_ he's human and all, but really, don't you think you can do better?" Of course Umbridge would know about Lupin 'seeming' human – she had made him submit to test after test to prove that he was human. In fact, her insistence was proving counter-productive – many of the more moderately-minded Ministry members were starting to feel that Umbridge was going overboard and being unfair towards him; there were several whispers that she was only doing it because she couldn't stand the fact that nothing she could do, no punishment she could inflict on her students when she had been DADA professor and the Headmistress at Hogwarts, could make them relinquish their opinion that Lupin had been the best DAD professor in living memory.

"Actually, Dolores, I don't," Tonks said pleasantly. "In fact, I reckon I could do a lot worse – just look at the Death Eaters that my aunt married."

"Well – they may have demonstrated some bad judgement but – there are plenty other men out there."

"And you know what the kicker is? Now that he's human, Remus is actually more pure-blood than me," Tonks couldn't resist informing Umbridge. "The irony is, if he were marrying someone who was only one-quarter muggle-born like him rather than one-half like me, his children would be considered pure-bloods." The official definition for pure-blood was someone who had all four grandparents wizard- or witch-born and no more than one great-grandparent – like Lupin's grandfather – who was a muggle-born, so in theory at list, Lupin's blood status was higher than Tonks's. Of course, people like Umbridge would never accept someone with a muggle-born great-grandparent as a pure-blood, let alone one whose father had spent thirty years as a werewolf, but it was still fun to tell her that.

"Well – I hope you know what you're getting into, marrying someone like that," Umbridge said. "You'll be ostracised. And you being a Black, too."

Tonks smiled brightly. "If you mean my aunts and anyone who aspires to associate with them, been there, done that, quite enjoying my life without them. Oh, and Dolores, _dear_," Tonks added as Umbridge turned to storm off, that ugly bow in her head bouncing as she went. "I suppose I owe you a thankyou. If you hadn't so thoroughly fucked up over the Department of Mysteries and caused Sirius's death, Remus would never have given into my interest. So feel free to come to our wedding. We owe you that much."

* * *

"Narcissa," Andromeda said resignedly. "Can't say I'm surprised to see you here. So just spit out your disapproval and be on your way, won't you?"

Narcissa pushed past Andromeda and walked through the Tonks house, making it clear she thought it was nothing on the Malfoy mansion. "Is it true?" she asked. "You're actually letting Nymphodora marry that half-breed?"

"Firstly, Dora's not someone who needs anyone's permission to do anything. Secondly, didn't you hear the good news? He passed every test even Dolores Umbridge could think to throw at him."

"He'll never be accepted," Narcissa said.

"Yes, that has already occurred to us. But you know what? All they ever wanted was to be legally married and not to worry about what children they might have. They don't care about anything else. And to tell you the truth, neither do I. She can do a lot worse than a man who's crazy about her who'll do everything in his power to make her happy." She spoke these words with a deceptive edge to them, and she thought she saw Narcissa flinch. Narcissa had refused to believe the allegations about Lucius, although Andromeda had always suspected that deep down, she knew there was at least a grain of truth to them. Lucius's initial interest in Andromeda was too well-known for Narcissa to completely believe that Lucius had wanted her for herself and not because she was the next Black down.

Narcissa continued her stroll through the Tonks house, stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her niece, sitting on that werewolf's lap, looking completely oblivious to anyone but him, _kissing_ him like some teenager – Narcissa bet her own teenage son didn't behave like such a hormone-driven adolescent. She recoiled when Lupin noticed her and gave her a bright, and completely insincere, smile. "Cissy," he drawled, making it clear he shared Sirius's opinion that it was a good name for her. "I guess we're almost family now. Forgive us if we decline any invitations to Malfoy Manor, though."

Narcissa glowered at Lupin when he moved his hand just below Tonks's breast, drumming his fingers against her body. She was sure he would have been more obvious in his display of affection had Andromeda not been there. "You would dare put your hands on a Black?" she seethed.

"I would dare a lot more," he said. "And it certainly beats creeping into a teenager's bedroom," he added. Narcissa flounced off, muttering something about no good coming of it. "I was rather hoping for a greater confrontation," he said.

"She's always done a good job of keeping her feelings to herself," Tonks said. Unlike Umbridge, who had started shaking with rage to be in the same room as Tonks for a week after Tonks had gleefully informed her that she was indirectly responsible for her and Lupin getting together. She went back to kissing him. "I never thought I'd kiss you again," she said breathlessly after a few minutes.

"Me, neither." He kissed her face and rubbed his nose against her neck. "I miss the way you smelled," he admitted. Now it felt like she wasn't quite his, like a watered down version of herself, at least when it came to her unique scent. He pulled his cardigan tighter around him. He still felt cold all the time, and no amount of jumpers and blankets would fix that because he was missing a warmth he was used to coming from internally, not externally. It was certainly taking some getting used to. But at least being cold was a damn good excuse for having Tonks with him, cuddled up on the couch under the doona.

"You want to find someone to bite you again?" she teased, knowing what the answer was.

"You know damn well that I don't," he said, and kissed her again.

* * *

"We can get our own place if you like," Tonks said. "Or you can dress this place up more to your taste."

"A few basic cleaning spells would be nice, but that's about it," Lupin said. "I never much cared about where I lived," he admitted. It had usually been enough to have a roof over his head that he hadn't cared much what that room looked like.

"You might, in the future," she said, knowing what he was thinking. She twisted the simple gold-and-diamond wedding band around her finger that had been his mother's. It was nothing on the Black and Malfoy family jewels, of course, but in her opinion, it was much more valuable because it had been given in pure, genuine love and not a desire to demonstrate how wealthy he was.

"Right now I only care about making love to my wife," he said huskily. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled her neck. "This sounds idiotic, but I feel like a virgin," he admitted. She threaded her fingers through his.

"It doesn't sound stupid," she said. "You've never had sex... as a human," she pointed out. He turned her around so he could kiss her full on the mouth. He hadn't realised how well she understood him. "I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too." They kissed passionately, tongues tangling in each other's mouths, hands roaming each other's bodies. He growled in frustration at the intricately-buttoned dress that she was wearing at her mother's insistence that she at least resemble a bride on her wedding night. It was times like this that he missed his werewolf strength and couldn't just rip the damn thing clean in two. His fingers fumbled with it, while she found it much easier to pull at the buttons of his shirt. Soon they were both naked and on the bed. It didn't take much to get either of them thoroughly aroused. He penetrated her quickly, impatiently, impatient as she was. She cried out and he grunted when he pushed his erection inside her. "Dora, love, love," he cried out as he began pumping her. It was a strange feeling and _did_ feel almost as new to him as the first time he'd had sex. They climaxed quickly and he rolled off her, panting. "One thing I miss about being a werewolf," he said. "My stamina."

She cuddled up to him. "You did fine by me. D'you think we made a baby?"

He chuckled. "Trust a woman to be thinking that on her wedding night."

"Don't tell me you don't want children, too," she teased.

"I've thought about it constantly for almost thirty years. I was a kid, I'd never thought about having kids myself, and then suddenly the option was taken away."

"I'm so sorry for what you went through. If it means anything, you showed so much integrity and I don't think I'd love you the way I do if you didn't have that." He kissed her deeply.

"There are some benefits to having been a werewolf for thirty years, I suppose," he said dryly. He kissed her deeply, and brought her hand to his penis. Despite his new human stamina, he was hard again in a few minutes. At her instigation, he rolled onto his back and she straddled him. He grabbed her hips and guided her onto his waiting erection. "Ahhh, Merlin, love..." were the last coherent words he managed to say before he started grunting and moaning, bucking underneath her and driving his erection into her in a very pleasant way...

* * *

Teddy Lupin's birth was meant with threatening owls from both Voldermort supporters in the form of the Malfoy-LeStranges and people who opposed Voldermort but still believed it was an abomination for a werewolf, even a werewolf who had miraculously become human again, to have a child. His very existence was an offence to more people than those who considered it a blessing. Lupin and Tonks decided it was for the best to go into hiding, and made Kingsley Shaklebolt their Secret Keeper. They moved to a picturesque village in the English countryside. "I don't feel right about this," Tonks admitted. "People are out there fighting – my mum and dad are fighting – and we're here, safe and sound, playing happy families. I feel like I should be there joining the ranks."

"Go, if you want," Lupin said with rare coolness. "I'll stay. I don't give a shit about this war compared to Teddy." He watched his son adoringly. Tonks understood in principle how much it meant to him to be able to have children, but no-one could truly get it if they hadn't lived for thirty years knowing that it could never happen, that he risked impregnating a woman with a cub that could rip her apart, not to mention be damned to live the life he'd led for thirty years. Thirty years of knowing that could never happen, and then a miracle had occurred and here was Teddy, perfectly human and strongly resembling his mother, but with his green eyes. As far as he was concerned, the war could be lost and the world could fall around them, he wouldn't leave Teddy.

"I didn't mean it like that," Tonks said. "I just feel bad."

He took her in his arms. "So do I, love. But nothing's more important than Teddy as far as I'm concerned. And no-one begrudges us this. Everyone knows how much we've already contributed to the war effort." She snuggled into his arms and felt his arms tighten around her waist. He was still stronger than her, even without his werewolf physique, and she felt safer in his arms than ever.

"I know. I just wish this thing were over and we could raise Teddy in peace and in the open."

* * *

But not even they could stay away when word came that both sides were amassing for a showdown at Hogwarts. Harry had returned from wherever he had been – neither of them had ever lost faith that he was alive, Voldermort's supporters would have been quick to offer the proof had he been killed – and Hogwarts was the place where the final showdown would occour. While they were reluctant to expose both of themselves to danger, they wanted to have every man available for the battle, and decided it was best to leave Teddy with Andromeda. The castle was swarming with students, teachers, Death Eaters and people like themselves, a veritable bedlam. They were thrown in the thick of things, curses flying everywhere. It felt like there were enemies on all sides and they just kept coming. Voldermort had gotten so many of the half-breeds onside – giants, trolls, werewolves (at least there was _one_ werewolf that wouldn't hurt anyone else, Lupin thought with vicious glee) and the like were firing curses at them, or just smashing their heads in. He found himself in a fierce combat with Anton Dolohov, the Death Eater's face twisted into an evil smile. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched his wife battling her aunt Bellatrix – if anything, Bellatrix looked even more triumphantly evil than Dolohov. Bellatrix hated Tonks because of what she represented – a half-blood married to a (former) half-breed who openly disdained Voldermort and everything he stood for. To Bellatrix, Tonks was worse than a blood-traitor and she would take a special amount of glee in killing her...

... She was fading, she knew. She could feel it in her reflexes, her strength – she couldn't keep it up forever. Bellatrix was simply too powerful a witch with too large an axe to grind. She couldn't keep this up, and yet the idea of being defeated by Bellatrix terrified her. Bellatrix watched her niece with a look of evil triumph on her face. How a mudblood had managed to produce such a talented witch was beyond her comprehension – and there was no denying that Tonks was a talented witch. Which only made her talent more of an abomination. "You can't keep this up forever," she jeered. "You'll stumble eventually, and you'll end up like your mudblood father. They tortured him, you know," she taunted her niece. "They tortured him and he died in agony, recanting his marriage. That makes you a bastard, you know. Your mother should have married in her own class."

"So she could rot in Azkaban?" Tonks retorted. _Or be married to a man who has the hots for her older sister_, she thought. She had spotted Lucius Malfoy around, and she hoped someone took him out. "I think I'll stick to a husband who loves and respects me."

"You won't have him for long," Bellatrix jeered. "I wonder who of you will die first – you or him? And once you're miserable excuse for a life is snuffed out, I'm going after that half-breed brat you call a son. What they did to your father will be nothing compared to what I have in store for him. He'll die screaming with no idea why he's in agony." Tonks could take all the threats to herself and Lupin, she could even deal with the pain of her father's death because he had died a fighter, knowing what he was fighting for. But her son – _her son_ – the thought of anything happening to him made her feel sick in every pore of her body. If she wasn't there to protect him, Bellatrix would go after him until she had killed him – and killed him in as painful a way as she could think of. And Bellatrix had always been very inventive when it came to torture. There was no doubt about it, Bellatrix LeStrange would hunt down her great-nephew and torture him to death merely for being what she considered a half-breed. Unless someone stopped her.

"NO!" she screamed. "You – will – not – have – my – son!" And Bellatrix, like Voldermort before her, made the key mistake of not realising the power of a mother's love. Tonks's killing curse hit Bellatrix with such force that she stumbled backwards, the remnants of her hysterical, triumphant jeers still on her lips. There was a moment of dead silence as it sank in that Voldermort's greatest and most powerful Death Eater was dead – killed by her half-blood niece. Lupin took advantage of the silence to hit Dolohov with his own killing curse. Tonks felt the adrenaline from killing her aunt running through her veins. Her maternal instincts kicked into high gear and she fired off curses at any Death Eater she could spot. If she had to kill them all and Voldermort to boot in order to keep Teddy safe, then that's what she would do...

... The battle was going badly for Voldermort and his Death Eaters, and he wasn't sure exactly where they had gone wrong. Bellatrix had been doing well, playing with her niece – that was Bella, couldn't just kill a person, had to torment them before killing them. But now Bellatrix was dead and his Death Eaters were dropping like flies...

... Tonks ploughed through the Death Eaters with a maternal rage, barely aware that they were winning the battle, when she felt a curse hitting her from behind. She stumbled; it was meant to force her onto her knees, not kill her, and as he knees connected painfully with the floor of the Great Hall, her adrenaline abandoned her and she knew exactly who had struck her. Her uncle. "Got you," he whispered gleefully. She was as paralysed as magic as she had been by fear all those years ago, made all the worse that it was Lucius who had her unable to move. She felt a sob wrack her throat. She had always known that she could die in this battle, but to die at the hands of the man who had violated her over and over and sought to do it one last time...

... The spell broke suddenly as Lupin shot a killing spell at Malfoy. He had seen the Death Eater curse his wife, forcing her onto her knees, and his heart had twisted painfully to see her completely at his mercy. Perhaps if it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have reacted so quickly, but he couldn't stand the thought of the last man to touch her – even via his wand – being Lucius Malfoy. Malfoy fell backwards as the spell hit home. "I told you I'd kill you if you touched my wife again!" Lupin said, a note of hysteria in his voice. Oblivious to anything and anyone else, he Appirated directly to his wife's side – the enchantments that forbade it within the castle had long since been obliterated – and took her in his arms. "It's OK, love," he whispered protectively, holding her tightly. "He's gone. He can't hurt you anymore." She lurched in his arms and threw up all over the floor. He pulled her hair back and let her empty her stomach. "It's OK. I'm here. He can't hurt you anymore," Lupin repeated over and over. He could feel her shaking and crying in his arms and knew there was nothing he could do for her other than hold her. Around them, the battle continued, but he was barely aware of it. Nothing mattered more than being a constant presence to remind his wife that he was here and that Malfoy couldn't hurt her anymore.

He was vaguely aware of Harry defeating Lord Voldermort, and felt a distant feeling of relief that it was all over, and that they had won. He kept hold of Tonks, although he became increasingly aware that while most of the survivors had congregated around Harry, they had an audience of their own. "Remus," Molly Weasley suggested. "Perhaps you'd like to take her up to the Gryffindor tower to get cleaned up?."

"Hufflepuff," Tonks croaked. "I want to show you something." Remus had a feeling what it was that she wanted to show him, and, nodding slightly, he Appirated them straight into the Hufflepuff House, completely emptied of students.

"Wow," Charlie Weasley said, having witnessed the encounter. "He wasn't kidding. I would too have tried to kill him."

"What? You _knew_?" Molly asked incredulously. It had been clear from the way Lupin had been holding her so protectively, promising her that Malfoy would never hurt her again, that her uncle had abused her. "Oh, that poor girl. When did you learn? Why didn't you tell me?"

"About two years ago, shortly after they got together. I didn't take them being together too well," he admitted, "and I was pretty hostile towards her. Remus told me what had happened to her, though he wouldn't tell me who it was. Said I was likely to go off and challenge him to a duel. Which I totally would have."

"And gotten yourself killed for your troubles!" Molly said.

"Yeah, that's what he said, too," Charlie said. "God, I feel like being sick myself," he said as the extent of what she had suffered at the hands of her uncle sank in. "I'm glad he killed him. I'm only sorry he didn't use the Cruciatus Curse on him."

"Poor girl," Molly said sorrowfully. "Poor, poor girl." There was nothing else she could think to say.

At that moment, Sprout came rushing up. Tonks had always been one of her favourites, despite her pathological inability to behave herself, and she had witnessed the girl almost be taken out by Lucius Malfoy onto to end up throwing up violently on the floor, unable to support herself before her husband had Appirated them somewhere – probably somewhere quiet where there was no witnesses to her breakdown. "Will she be OK?" Sprout asked. "We all react in different ways," she said. Tonks had just taken out a dozen Death Eaters, including the notorious Bellatrix LeStrange, the shock had to be setting in as the adrenaline wore off.

"What do you know about Lucius Malfoy?" Molly asked, having instantly forgiven Tonks for hurting Charlie and taking her side like the protective mother and mother-figure that she was. "Lucius Malfoy? He's a Death Eater and a snob and I'm glad I never had any of his family in my house," Sprout said, shuddering at the thought.

"You mean apart from his niece?"

"Nymphodora was always more her father's daughter than anyone else," Sprout said loftily. "He father was in my house, too." Because muggle-born witches and wizards tended to be among the most humble and open-minded, Hufflepuff attracted more than its fair share. "What are you getting at?"

"Malfoy abused her for God knows how long," Molly said flatly. "Probably in this castle. He was spending an awful lot of time here at the time, wasn't he? The late eighties? I was always surprised at that and I certainly didn't _like_ him spending so much time here when I had three boys here at the time."

"Malfoy? But – he's – I mean, he _was_ – her uncle!" Sprout said, her immediate reaction disgust, although as she started to collect herself, she realised Lucius Malfoy was evil and bigoted enough to do such a thing. Unlike his sister-in-law, who believed that all muggle-borns and half-bloods should be rounded up and executed, Lucius had believed they came in handy when it came to his comfort and convenience, there to do menial work – and fulfil his sexual appetites, it appeared. She remembered complaining to Dumbledore that Tonks was becoming increasingly withdrawn and anti-social, a complaint that, come to think of it, had coincided with Lucius Malfoy not spending any time at the castle until his son had come to study at it several years later.

"Yeah, we got that," Charlie said dryly.

"You knew?" Sprout said.

"I didn't know who it was. Remus always did, apparently." He shrugged. "I don't know exactly what happened... but she could barely stand me touching her and she didn't have that hang-up with him."

"Well, that makes sense," Sprout said. "He knows what it's like not to have control over his own body." She sighed sadly. While it was such a small thing in the great scheme of things, it was all those small things that added up to the bigger picture – the hatred and bigotry, the attitude that as a half-blood, she had been worth nothing more than a fancy to fill his sexual appetites. "That poor girl." It seemed to be the only thing anyone could think to say. "I wish I had known. I could have done something for her."

As things settled down as much as they could, given what had happened, Andromeda Appirated into the Great Hall, holding Teddy, with an unerring sense of timing. "I heard it's over," she said in a funny kind of flat voice, because although she was glad that Voldermort had finally been vanquished – properly this time – and her older sister killed in the battle, so much had been lost in the lead-up to it, her husband's life included. "Where is she? Where's my daughter?" She had heard that both Tonks and Lupin were still alive, but she needed to see them – well, she needed to see her daughter, her son-in-law she didn't care so much about – to put her mind at rest.

"Remus took her to the Hufflepuff House," Charlie said, explaining briefly that Lucius Malfoy had almost gotten her and the experience had forced her to relive the experience. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he said when he saw that Andromeda was a second away from Appirating straight into the house.

"What would you know?" she snapped waspishly at him.

"I know that she flinched every time I touched her but she could fall asleep in his arms," Charlie said with quiet dignity. "If she wanted to be there with him, there's a reason for it. Leave them be. And show us Teddy, he's practically family." Reluctantly, Andromeda turned Teddy around so she was facing the small crowd, all of whom smiled indulgently. Andromeda would no doubt be as protective a grandmother and Tonks and Lupin would be protective parents.

And they had all the time in the world to be that.

* * *

Lupin had suspected why Tonks wanted him to take her to her former school House, and when she led him towards the single rooms – assuming the layout was similar in all four house – his suspicions were confirmed. "Love, you don't have to relive this," he said. "You don't have to show or tell me anything you don't want to."

"I want to," she said dully, but with a strange conviction to her voice that made him understood that this was something she had to share with him. She led him to what had been her old room. "He engineered me to have this," she said. "He wanted to have easy access to me, and isolate me from everyone else as well. All the other girls hated me for having my own room." Lupin wrapped his arms around her from behind, feeling her trembling but knowing that this was something she needed to do. "I felt so alone."

He kissed the top of her head in a vaguely paternalistic manner, taking note of the fact she had used the past tense to describe feeling alone. "You'll never be alone with me," he said with quiet conviction that seemed to penetrate her memories, because she stopped trembling slightly. He led her to the armchair that looked like it hadn't been dusted in years – not that it mattered anymore – and drew her into his lap, his arms wrapped girly around her. "Talk about it, if it makes you feel better," he whispered soothingly, protectively in her ear.

"It hurt – so – much," she whispered painfully. "I didn't think something could hurt so much without being cursed."

"A werewolf using their canine teeth to bite – they're the ones you typically think of as fangs, towards the middle of the jaw," he explained, habitually running his tongue over one of them because after a year, it _still_ felt unnaturally short. In a good way. "They extend during the full moon and there's a gland at the root of the tooth that produces a toxin – it's fucking painful to be bitten. I felt like I was being ripped apart. I wanted him to kill me and have it be over. And then a month later I transformed for the first time. Human bodies aren't meant to do that. Try explaining to an eight-year-old what's going on." He shuddered at the memory; it would take more than a year for the pain of transformation, even under the relative ease of Wolfsbane, to recede. "Sorry, I didn't mean to tell you about my problems."

She rubbed her face against his shirt. "It makes me realise you understand. Did you ever feel like you couldn't be loved? Whenever Charlie touched me – I tried so hard to like it, but the harder I tried, the more I hated it, and I was terrified that I wasn't capable of being loved. Did you ever feel like that"

"All the time. I thought the only woman who was ever going to love me was my mother, and even she didn't love me the way a mother ought to love her son." He chuckled drily. "And then you came along and didn't give a shit about me being a werewolf. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with you. And somewhere along the line I ended up loving you and letting you love me... even when you wanted me to turn you."

"You really love me?" she asked in a small voice, and it broke his heart because she reminded him so much of himself growing up, unsure of even his mother's love.

"I really love you," he reassured her – and he would keep reassuring her until she truly believed it. "Listen, Dora, we can stay here if you need to, but I think we need to go back down to the Great Hall. I think you're about to become almost as big a hero as Harry." She smiled at him through her tears.

"How do I look?" she asked.

"Like the most amazing woman I know."

"You'll stay with me?"

"Until you beg me for some time by yourself." And he Appirated them back down to the Great Hall. The first person he saw was Andromeda. "Oh, Thankgod, you brought him," he said, attempting to take Teddy from her. She refused to hand him over, wanting answers first.

"Is it true?" she asked. "Bellatrix and Lucius are both dead?" Lupin nodded. She took note of the way he tightened his grip around Tonks's waist. She looked drained, and Andromeda was glad she had Lupin there for her – both now and an hour ago. "And what about Narcissa?"

Lupin shrugged. "Don't know, don't care," he said frankly. Narcissa Malfoy would hardly be a major player in the world that was to come – that was, if she even escaped being sent to Azkaban.

There was a rustle of skirts and there was Narcissa. She had found her son, but lost everything else that was dear to her – her sister, her husband, her family name. If it hadn't been worthless following his death and Voldermort's destruction, it was now that people were whispering – and often not bothering to whisper – that he had taken his infatuation with her sister out on his niece. She didn't have a friend in the world. Well, there was no hope for it. "Andromeda," she said, swallowing her pride.

Andromeda shot her younger sister a look that could kill. "I thought you made it clear that my daughter and I were dead to you if I let her marry that werewolf," she said coolly.

Narcissa swallowed. "I was angry," she admitted, in as humble a voice as she could manage, which for Narcissa wasn't easy. "I had hoped that you and she would both marry pure-bloods, like Bellatrix and I."

Andromeda laughed ironically at that. "And I see that's done you the world of good."

"Andy, please – my husband is dead."

"The same husband who raped my daughter," Andromeda reminded her coldly. "I'm only sorry he died quickly. My son-in-law is too decent a human being to exact revenge out of him for the pain he caused her." She spoke the words _human being _with no small degree of irony, aware now that even as a werewolf Lupin had shown more compassion than the rest of her pure-blood, pure-breed family put together. "I assure you, no-one else who loves Dora would have let him off so lightly." Narcissa gasped at the idea of her darling husband being tortured. The gloom of Azkaban had been bad enough.

"Andy, you can't mean that," she cried. "I'm your _sister_."

"You're no sister to me," Andromeda said coldly. "You've made that pretty damn clear in the last twenty-five years."

Lupin went to step forward to speak for both him and Tonks, but she gripped his hand tightly. She didn't relish the idea of a confrontation with her aunt, but she knew she would regret it if she didn't. "Aunt Narcissa," Tonks said, heavy irony dripping on the word _aunt_, because Narcissa had never been any sort of maternal figure to her; precisely the opposite. "Your husband and sister are dead. Your name is ruined. Your son will be known as the brat of a Death Eater and a shamed Black, while mine will be known as the son of two heroes of the war. And it's only what you deserve. You knew what Lucius was, you knew he wanted my mother, and when she didn't return his interest, he turned on me. You forfeited your right to have anything to do with me and my mother when you denied what he did to me. Now get out and if I see you or your son again I swear, I will give my husband permission to perform the torture he was too decent to perform on _Uncle_ Lucius – or, God help me, I'll do it myself." Despite her relatively youthful twenty-five years, Narcissa saw something in her niece's eyes that she had often seen in Andromeda's and even Bellatrix's. Bellatrix had proudly rotted in Azkaban for her beliefs and Andromeda had proudly married for love and been exiled for it. Both were strong woman who had followed their hearts and their beliefs, albeit in very different ways. She, Narcissa, had never had that strength. And she certainly didn't have it now. Scurrying off to find her son, she disappeared from Tonks's line of sight.

"Wow, remind me never to piss _you_ off," Lupin said admiringly. First she had dispatched one aunt for threatening Teddy, now she had dispatched the other for being, well, a sissy who's refusal to believe in her husband's guilt had led to so much heartache...

"I know we have to stay for a bit," Tonks said. "But people are preoccupied with Harry and it won't be long before they don't miss us. I want you to take me and Teddy home. I want to live openly and unapologetically with my husband and son. I want to build something out of all this wreckage."

He smiled lovingly at her. Her confrontation with Narcissa had given her a kind of strength, and he approved of it. "That's exactly what I want too, love," he said, leaning in to kiss her to great applause.

**The End.**


End file.
